Chapter 03: It Can’t Be Positive

Author Note: As Sookie explains herself to Eric she will be having flashback moments otherwise it will remain in EPOV. 

Also I know some of you were upset that Sookie withheld the information of the boys from Eric and wanted her arrested, that what she did was illegal.  Well it may be illegal in some states and I am not condoning what she did but I do believe that parents do things for certain reasons and I feel her reasons are justified.  If you don’t agree well that is your opinion but it will not change what happens in this story.

Thank you, Kristie

 Divider 2

 “Fuck a Duck”

With that I started laughing… Sookie could never swear properly, she was too sweet and gentle but I was still mad at her.

As she approached me all I could say was “you have some explaining to do WOMAN and NOW.”

Sookie looked up at me and said yes I do have things to tell you but we need to go somewhere private, please lets’ not have this conversation here in the bank.  I told her I agreed but I needed to go over to the teller window first and then we could go back to my office and talk.

So as I went over to the teller, Sookie and my Boys walked out of the bank and waited by their car. I was a bit leery at first, I assumed she would run away again, but when she saw me looking she waved and nodded like she knew what I was thinking.   My boys stood tall next to their mom, she was always a tiny little thing and she never grew but the boys were just like me, 6’4” tall, all muscle, blond and blue eyed.

Needless to say, I was in awe at what the two of us created.

The bank manager came over to me and congratulated me on the two polite fine young men that Sookie and I had raised.  I thanked him and asked him if both boys were banking with him now and he said yes that all three of them had opened up an account the other day.

Well at least that was a positive.

The teller was trying to pump me for information but I didn’t let on that I knew what she was doing.  I let her think that I knew all along about my boys, no need for the town to know otherwise.

My boys, hmmm, I could get use to that.

I also knew after my talk with Sookie, I would like to talk to my boys and I would have to talk to mine and Felicia’s kids before the whole town knew they didn’t know about each other.  But maybe after seeing the five of them together last night, the town would think they all knew about each other before their ice cream social introduction.

I guess that was another bridge I was going to have to cross before they all went back to college.

Once I finished up I walked outside and hugged my boys, it wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be, they hugged me back and I even heard a sniffle, but when I looked up it was Sook not the boys.  They both smiled at me and said they would like to talk to me but mom needed my attention first… I told them I would meet up with them later at the farm house if that was okay.

I heard in unison, “Awesome.”

As they left I looked at Sookie and said, “Are you ready” and all she did was nod.

I had a feeling this was going to take a while and it was going to be a difficult story for both of us to hear.

I also knew that if I was going to get to the bottom of why my FRIENDS did not tell me about my boys, I would have to hear them all out.  I would have liked to have been in their lives, I felt cheated of that but I also felt that Sookie must have had a good reason on why she never told me of their existence. I would be patient but I needed answers and soon.

We walked into the station and Kenya said hello to both of us.  She told Sookie it was nice that she was back home, she had been missed.  Sookie responded by thanking her and telling her that her and the boys were happy to be home finally.

Every word that slid out of her mouth was like music to my ears.

She wasn’t going to run away again.

Did I have a chance with her?

What am I thinking; I needed to hear what she had to say before I go all dreamy on my future.

Would I still want a future with her after she told me everything?

I just didn’t know. I knew my mind was jumping the gun and I needed to back it down.

Did I love Sookie, I just didn’t know but I knew I was jealous of her past relationships and they didn’t sit well with me.  I knew I had jealous thoughts when I thought she was with someone else while she was in town.  I needed to figure things out first before I said something I was going to regret.   I knew I had missed her and I thought of her more lately than my dead wife.  I knew I missed her from the moment she walked out of my life.

However, I didn’t know what that meant.

Love, Lust, Heavy Like.

It was something I was going to have to table in my mind until I heard what she had to say.  I might end up throwing her out of my life and town for good.  Everything weighed heavily on what she said during our talk.

I led her to my office and she sat on the couch to my right, I sat behind my desk.  As I thought to myself this needs to be more informal I contemplated moving over to the couch with her, but I also felt like this was going to be my chance to interrogate her if I didn’t like what she said so I stayed put.

I can always move over at some other time during the conversation.

Sookie looked up at me, her blues eyes brimming with tears.  I felt bad for her but I also wanted answers.  I deserved answers and I wasn’t going to be cowed into letting her get by on any detail of how and why this all came about.

I was not going to let her tears affect me in any way.

I asked her how she wanted to go about this.

“Eric, I need to tell you everything.  I need you to know what led me to love you, what led me to hide the boys from you and why I had thought it was best.  You may hate me after I tell you everything and I will deserve that hate but I hope for the boy’s sake we can get past the hate and you can love them as much as I do and as much as they love you.”

All I could say was, “Proceed and do not leave anything out; even if it hurts me to know.”

In my head all I could think was how could Jackson and Jake possibly love me they don’t even know me.

Sookie just looked at me and sighed and it seemed like she could read my mind…

“Eric the boy’s love you, I never denied them knowing who their father was, they have known about you ever since they could ask questions, they have seen pictures, they have pictures that Gran has given them over the years of you and your children.  I have never denied them access to that knowledge and they both know why we have never approached you about this since before the funeral. Believe me I tried several times but a wall was thrown in my way each time.  But before we get there let me try to explain to you how things happened and why I made the decisions I did.  Please bear with me.”

All I could do was nod to her to proceed.  I sat there and watched her body language as she spoke and was enraptured in what she had to say.

Flashback- this one is like she is talking to herself not to Eric so bear with me

I was excited to get accelerated to ninth grade.

 I was so exhausted every day when I got home from school; I was so far advanced from the kids in my same age group that I was falling behind because I was bored.  My teacher Mr. Bellefleur noticed this last year and had me tested over the summer for genius levels.    The results came back right before school started but the school board did not make a decision until October.  When I showed up for school that second week of October I was sent to the principal’s office to find out my results.  The results showed that I should be moved up to be a high school junior but the school board felt that I would miss out on the high school experience if they excelled me that quickly, so I was given the opportunity to move up two grades and I took the chance.

The school called my mom and dad and they spoke to them about what was going on with me and how I was so accelerated knowledge wise from the rest of the seventh graders.  They were very proud of me.  I was to start high school the following day and they said they would break it to Jason tonight for me.   That was going to be rough but it had to be done.  See Jason wasn’t the brightest bulb and me showing him up was not going to be fun for him or me.  I guess I could lay low and let things fall where they may.  Jason had plenty of friends so I knew he would not feel obligated to babysit me.

My first day was hard, the older kids teased me and wondered what I was doing in their school since I wasn’t old enough… My first week was a bit rough but I made it through with the help of Jason and his friends.  I was in class with three of them at various times of the day so they let me hang out with them…  It seemed to help and I was left alone. 

That was until we had to break up into partners in science class, by that time everyone knew I was a brainiac and didn’t want to be showed up so they avoided being my partner, it was Eric who stepped up and said he would be my partner and I was extremely grateful.   I always liked Eric he was always nice to me and I had a bit of a crush on him since I met him but he was older than me so I knew I never had a chance.

The first two years of HS went by pretty quickly and it was easy going for me; then we started our junior year.  I always had fun with the group but they started to pair off.  That left Alcide and me and I knew he liked me as a friend but nothing more.  I knew he was different but I couldn’t place why or how.  It was in November of our junior year that I figured it out when I found him staring at Eric’s butt, Eric had a great ass and I stared at it too, too often, and Alcide had caught me staring at it often enough. 

We laughed and he asked me if we could meet up alone later and talk.  It was then that I found out Alcide’s secret and I swore to him that I would not tell anyone, we realized since I was in way over my head in love with Eric and Alcide needed to look straight that we would be each other’s immediate friend.  The group seemed to like this idea, they thought we were actually boyfriend and girlfriend and if you looked at us, that is what we looked like but we never got too carried away to make the other one uncomfortable.

 The next two years flew by and I was still a virgin as was Alcide.  We made a promise that if neither one of us had sex in college we would be each other’s first just so that we did it with someone we cared about.  Well while the gang looked for colleges to go as a group I was already set and they decided to follow me to Perdue.  I liked the idea but I did not want to live in the house they shared, it would be too close to Eric and I needed to study and get good grades.  I had a plan and I was going to stick to it. 

Plus it gave Alcide an excuse to sneak out.  He found a male friend that was just as secretive so it worked out for him… He still promised me about losing my virginity to him if that was still what I wanted.  He knew he was gay but he cared for me deeply and he said if he was to ever have sex with a female it would only ever be with me.  I felt honored and told him that I did not want to push him into keeping that pact that we made years ago.   He knew I was in love with Eric and if I could I would have offered myself to him numerous times but he was with Felicia and I was not going to cause grief amongst my friends.

So I delved into my studies and made Valedictorian again like I did in high school, I was proud of myself and I was going to get a full ride scholarship with John Hopkins and I wasn’t going to let anything stand in my way.

But then the gang decided to have a graduation party and my common sense left for the night, having a few drinks in me helped give me the courage that I needed to get Eric alone and to see if he would make one of my dreams come true.

 I only wanted him to kiss me, nothing more but I knew if he offered anything else I would jump at the chance.

I was so nervous being close to him sitting on his bed  that I blurted out that I loved him, I felt better and then I kissed him with everything that I had in me, all the passion I could muster.  He gave back just as much as I gave him, I was a bit relieved that he responded back in kind,  I needed him more than ever and if he would agree I wanted him to be my first. 

I figured he had been with Felicia enough times that he would wear a condom and we would be fine, how often does a virgin get pregnant during their first time. 

Well hindsight should have told me too many. .

He agreed to have sex with me and I didn’t have the heart to tell him he was my first but he figured it out on his own as he got deeper inside of me.  He told me he felt honored being my first, it made me want to cry, it was another dream come true for me. 

My cup runneth over.

Sex was glorious and let me tell you even though it was my first time it was by far the best I have ever had.   I used Eric that night but he promised me he would not regret that night and neither would I.  He cleaned us both up and we snuggled for a while.  I fell asleep in his arms but I knew that I needed to leave soon, I couldn’t face him in the morning having had sex with him was making me want to change my mind about school and stay close to him.

 Maybe I was being selfish.

 I needed to follow my dreams so I got up and out of the bed just as Felicia stumbled into their bathroom… I dressed quickly and hauled my ass out of there only to be caught by Alcide as I exited the room; we talked for about two hours before he agreed it would be best for me to leave.  He knew my leaving would be tough and he had already told Eric about him being gay and since I had never gotten around to telling Jas he said he would handle it with Eric’s help. He told me he would keep my secret and never tell Eric that he knew we had sex just like I always kept his secrets.  

I told him I loved him and we would talk all the time, which was never going to change. He was my right to his left; he was my best friend and possibly my soul mate.

 He was my one true friend and secret keeper.

So I packed my things and left but I called Alcide as I drove to my new school since I was enrolled for summer classes.  I told him I would call Eric when I knew I could handle it better, I knew if we talked too soon I would turn around and head back to him with maybe the possibilities of getting together.  But reality hit me that he wasn’t going to leave Felicia for me so I never made that phone call.

After four months I had figured my timeline had disappeared so I never called him.

 

Back to present day:

“Eric do you have any questions before I move on with my story?”

I placed my index finger in the air so she would give me a minute.

I kept going back to one part of her story over and over again in my head; she loved me for so many years but never said anything.  Alcide was her confidant and friend as he was mine.  He must have been put into some awful situations when I wanted answers and he couldn’t give them to me.

If I was a better cop I could have tracked her down years ago, but I took the easy way out and ignored things people said to me or around me.

It is all starting to click now. ….Pictures… comments… avoidances… fights…. Silence….

Felicia had always told me Sookie had a crush on me and I told her she was full of shit, she was my friend’s girlfriend and my other friend’s baby sister; hell we called each other brother and sister more than once.  I remember Felicia telling me she was tired about hearing about Sookie all the time from Jason after she left for John Hopkins and me always asking questions about how she was doing in school and life.

She said she was glad she left; she was getting in the way of our life.

 I don’t know exactly what she meant by that statement but I have a feeling as Sook fills me in I may be able to figure it out.

“Sook, I am still taking this all in but I need to know a couple of things, how soon did you know that you were pregnant and when did you know Jackson and Jake were mine?  Why did you keep it from me? Why did you swear Alcide and Jason to keep it secret?”

She let out a huge sigh and I could see tears welling in her eyes, you could see regret seeping out of them as she looked me in the eyes and said.

“Eric, let me finish the next portion of the story and two of the questions will be answered if not a third.”

“Okay I will wait but if I need to ask a question will you stop and answer it for me?”

“I will try but I think it is best if we get to when the boys turn 2 years old and then I will stop again, if that is okay?”

“Sure I will wait till then I promise.”

“Thank you.”

Flashback: this one is more her telling Eric what happened as she remembers it.


I arrived at JH and was met by my counselor and soon to be mentor and friend.  Her name was Octavia Fant, she was older but we were like two peas in a pod, we got along famously.   I had a heavy work load and was up all hours of the day and night trying to keep up.  I wasn’t feeling ill at all until I was about 6 months along in my pregnancy and by that time it was too late to make any other choices then to have my baby. The only reason I did find out that I was pregnant was because the morning sickness hit me like a ton of bricks, it was later than normal but since I was so busy and would pass out when my body told me to rest I didn’t realize anything was wrong .  By that time I had moved into Octavia’s three bedroom brownstone home with her and her tenant, she was also a student at JH by the name of Amelia Broadway and she became one my best girlfriends and baby sitter once the boys were born…

Gran and Alcide came up to visit me in December and that is when I told them I was pregnant.

 I didn’t tell Gran right away who the father was but Alcide knew because he also knew that I had never slept with another man after my first time with you.   The next two months was rough for me, we were starting a new semester and I didn’t want to fall behind or lose my scholarship so Octavia arranged for me to drop a couple of classes that I would pick back up in the summer. It was also when I found out I was having twins.

The two of us sat down and talked about what I wanted to do.

 I told her I wanted to finish my studies; I wanted my PHD and Master’s. I told her I was going to have my babies and keep them. 

She told me she would help me as much as possible and Amelia had also agreed to help me out as well.

 I was pretty much set until the babies were born on February 26th, they were a couple of weeks early but healthy and huge.

 Alcide and Gran were both there for the birth and it was then that I told them that I was going to put your name on their birth certificates as their father and Northman was going to be part of their last name. That was when Gran found out you were their father, she never judged you for it; I explained to her what happened and that I basically attacked you that night and that I should have made sure you had worn protection but I was as lost in the moment as you were and I had hoped for the best.

Our sons were born perfect:

Jackson Herveaux Stackhouse-Northman

Jake Herveaux Stackhouse-Northman

I didn’t want to cause you and Felicia any issues so we decided Alcide would tell everyone the boys were his.  It worked for a while until people who knew you would see the boys faces, they looked just like you; however, the people who knew us didn’t see the boys until they were much older. 

But since no one ever came to visit me I didn’t have to lie about their dad, I would just say he was an old friend and it didn’t work out, which was partially true.  When Alcide would visit which was every four months or so everyone figured he was their dad and never questioned it since his last name was their middle name.  He doted on the boys like they were his own he even asked me to marry him a time or two so that he could be their real dad.  I told him that we would be living a lie and I couldn’t force him into celibacy and have him choose me over his true self.  I never wanted to be selfish to him but I was also being selfish to myself because the only man I ever wanted didn’t want me and I had to live with that, but I got the best part out of the deal, our twin boys.

I had already earned one degree and I was working on my next one when Jason told me he was getting married to Michelle.  I was over the moon for him but there was also a dilemma, how was I going to go home with the twins, how was I suppose to tell you about them?

Well that decision was made for me.

 I had thought it was by you, but now I know better.

I sent you a letter, letting you know what had happened from our one night together… How I had our boys and I had been raising them alone with the help of my friends and Alcide.  I told you their names and sent pictures so that you could see them and that I wasn’t lying to you.  Alcide gave me your address and I mailed the letter to you.  I received the letter back ripped and torn to pieces with a note, saying that you weren’t interested in my bastard children and to stay away.

 At the time I didn’t look at the handwriting, I was devastated.

Just as a side note, I have kept the torn up letter and note, I have it tucked away at the farmhouse.

By that time I had moved to Dallas and was working on my thesis paper so that I could work full time and start a life for my family. 

I didn’t know what to do so I called Jason and told him that school and work were getting in the way of me attending his wedding so I was going to bow out.  Well Michelle was pissed and came to Dallas without Jason but when I opened my door and she saw the boys she told me to stay the fuck away from Bon Temps; you and Felicia were happy and that if I showed up I would ruin everything.  So I stayed away, Alcide almost didn’t attend the wedding either because of what Michelle did.  It took a lot of talking to Gran for him to agree to attend and stand up as one of Jason’s groomsman. 

At the time of the wedding I was dating Preston and he did ask me to marry him but I told him no for two reasons: I loved someone else and it wasn’t any of his damn business who the boy’s real dad was.  See, he wanted to confront you for not taking care of them or me, he wanted to adopt them and change their last names and I told him, “Hell Fucking NO”.    I told him I didn’t need him in my life if he was going to change it like that, I was happy with the situation as is and he could suck it.

Well within a month he was out of our lives but not before he caused a little bit more trouble for me. See he tracked down the boy’s birth certificate and found out your name.  He also found out that Pamela was your sister and since she works in Texas he contacted her to tell her about her nephews but it backfired on him.  She could care less; he didn’t know that you two were not close but that did not stop him from supplying her with pictures and information. 

She threw him out on his ass but she still came to visit me a few months later. 

She scrutinized the boys and agreed that they were defiantly of Northman stock and bloodline and she offered to pay me to stay away from you.  I told her to get the fuck out of my house and if and when I told you about your boys it was none of her damn business.

 She did leave but about two weeks later, I received a certified letter with two trust funds set up by her for both boys.  Once they turned 18 years old they could have their trusts and use it for college.  See, she thought of me as a gold digging whore at the time of our initial meet and greet, she didn’t realize what my career choice had been until a few years later when we met up again but I will get to that soon enough.

Back to the wedding, I know you spoke with Jason and Gran about my boys and never guessed they were yours.  They figured you thought they were Preston’s or maybe Alcide’s but you dropped it and ended up marrying Felicia a year later. 

I know you spoke to Alcide about the boys and he told you their names, Jackson and Jake.  Jackson for his dad and well Jake for the nice lab partner in college that accepted a pregnant lab partner like you accepted me in ninth grade. I wanted to name him Eric and sometimes I regret it but I figured Jake was easier to explain then him being named after his daddy who didn’t know he existed.

One of my biggest regrets is not telling you sooner than the boys coming up to their second birthday but as things started to unravel I felt it was the best choice at the time and I assumed you didn’t want to know them because of the torn up letter, but now realizing that you kept asking questions about them, you didn’t know about the letter or pictures I sent you ever existed.

 

Back to present day

“Eric, I wanted to stop there in case you have any questions that I didn’t answer yet.”

“You never answered why everyone has been sworn to secrecy about this to me.  Why they have never told me.  I still don’t understand but I am sure we will get there.”

Tears were welling in her eyes again but she was willing them not to shed.

So many things were running through my mind.  One big one was would I be willing to put things in the past and move forward.  The other one was how did I feel about Sookie now that I knew partially why she kept my boys away from me?

My minds numbness led me to my next question.

I looked into her eyes and asked the only question I hadn’t asked her yet.

“Sookie, do you still love me?”

She didn’t hesitate.

“Yes”

50Fifty

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8 thoughts on “Chapter 03: It Can’t Be Positive

  1. *sigh* so Felicia knew almost from the beginning. I guess I can’t blame her, to a certain extent. Buy dang. This was just messy all around! I can’t imagine how heartbroken Sookie must have been to get the letter returned, ripped up. And I can definitely understand her staying out of Eric’s life as a response, until she realised he didn’t know.

    Now I am most definitely curious! What happened when they were two? Felicia? My mind is whirring, no, she didn’t get sick at that point did she? I’m sure that was later… Wow what a mess!

  2. yes, relationships are messy and when you have a jealous person in the mix it is worse. I feel Felicia did what she did because she was afraid to loose Eric and if he found out she was pretty sure he would leave, after all she is who he cheated with. and Felicia found out the hard way…

    • yes it is sad, i know of someone like this so it is kind of who i am basing it off of, he found out by meeting them in a store, not a good situation, things didnt work out so well for him but I will be taking this the other route. KY

  3. Ahh the girls conspired to keep Eric away from Sookie. How sad is that? So Sookie still loves Eric. Can’t wait to read the next chapter.

    • yeah the girls were not nice to Sookie at all. she wasn’t trying to interfere just trying to let him know what was up. very said that they ganged up on her.

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