Dating, I despise dating….. How can my friends possibly think that they are helping me out? Setting me up with blind dates, dinner invites for three people that turn out to be four people, emails from strangers, online dating websites (Tara actually typed in my profile and listed my true email address, Bitch) and speed dating because they thought it would be fun. I don’t know how many times I have told Tara and Amelia to stay out of my non-existent love life, but they just won’t stop. They say they are doing it because they love me and don’t want me to be lonely anymore. Granted, I have no life to speak of, but I prefer it that way since I got burned by my supposed, true love and YES I am happy with the life I have now, without him.
Family, Friends, Work and My Students.
Oh I think I forgot to mention, my name is Sookie Stackhouse, most people think it is short for Susannah but it’s not. It’s just plain ol’ Sookie, just like me, simple tastes with a simple life. I have plenty of dreams and I was living some of them until about four years ago. I never thought my world would be turned upside down by the man I loved.
I met John Quinn while I was in high school. Quinn was 4 years my senior, now don’t judge me, I am from Louisiana after all, and that’s how we roll. I was a junior in high school and John just got back from college; he went to LSU for 2 years and he was studying Engineering (or so I thought). In actuality, he only made it through a year of school credits; even though he was there for 2 years. I guess partying was his major. Of course, I did not learn any of this until I myself was at LSU, three years later.
Apparently he majored in lying at LSU; he stated to me that he could not get a job in his field of study for the two years we were together.
I believed him.
More than once he stated that there were no openings in Shreveport for the type of Engineer he was; that he would have to go to New Orleans if he wanted to find a job. He told me numerous times that he was staying in town for me. I was flattered.
And very naive.
He swept me off my feet and I believed him.
It was a whirlwind romance; no boys my age ever gave me a second look. I never knew why they avoided me but I later found out from Amelia that it was due to my big brother telling all the boys in school he would beat the shit out of them if they even looked at me or spoke two words to me. I always thought I was rebuffed from all the school boys’ attentions because I was a cow and ugly. I was bigger and curvier then most of the girls in my high school. Plus I lived a very sheltered life for my first two years of high school. I had my girlfriends but no one would date me, so I figured once I went to college that would change. How wrong I was to believe I would have to wait so long.
When I met Quinn, I was working at Merlotte’s Bar and Grill over the summer and he told me I was gorgeous and wanted to get to know me better and then date me. I was still a virgin and I think that was a plus in his eyes. We talked of our future and how we would get married and have children after I graduated from LSU as a teacher. It was everything I ever wanted and he never pushed the sex thing with me; he was such a gentleman and I told him so. Granted we did the typical teenage petting and such but he never pushed intercourse on me, at least for the first year we were together. I fell in love with him and thought he loved me too. Gran told me to take my time since he was older than me but I paid no never mind to her. I knew what I was doing; yeah how many teenagers say that to their parents, millions right?
I finally gave into him after I turned 18 years old, besides it was my senior year of high school.
What could it hurt?
I turned 18 in July and lost my virginity in August. I thought he would be mine forever and since we had been talking marriage I thought sex with him was okay in God’s eyes.
We fucked like bunnies for the next nine months; Quinn was everything to me as I thought I was to him.
As Prom approached I was getting nervous because Quinn had told me he didn’t want to go to something as lame as my Prom. I never thought there were other issues but I found out he was playing around on me with someone else (and I don’t mean play date either), she was three years younger than me and they had been sneaking around for months. I ended it with Quinn just two weeks before Prom.
I was devastated.
I had no clue what I was going to do; I had my tickets, my dress and my girlfriends and I had rented a hotel in the outskirts of Shreveport for the night. I had told Tara, Amelia and Holly I was backing out but they would not have it. They said they would find me someone, even if it was a cousin……..
We happened to be discussing this at Merlotte’s and the owner Sam said he would go with me.
I was shocked.
Granted, he was my boss, and 6 years my senior, but I was desperate at that point, so I said okay. I did not know at the time he had a crush on me; I just thought he was being nice.
As the big day approached, I was getting odd threats, in the form of letters attached to my locker at school and notes attached to my windshield of my shitty yellow Toyota.
There was one note where it stated I was good for no-one other than Quinn.
I had another one that said I could be no one else’s girlfriend since I had already slept with Quinn. It mentioned I should go crawling back to him on my hands and knees.
Yeah as if.
A few other times, the notes mentioned that I was nothing but a whore since I slept with him before we had gotten married.
Odd thing was, it looked like a female’s handwriting and I knew it wasn’t Quinn’s. It was a week before Prom and the shit hit the fan. Frannie Quinn showed up on my doorstep and yelled at me about ditching her brother for Sam.
She said “I was a useless whore and I should go crawling back to her brother because he was devastated without me.”
She also stated in a shrill scream,” Quinn loves you, and only you, and the little tart was nothing but a passing fancy; you make him a whole person…and then “You should be grateful he stayed here to be with you instead of moving to New Orleans to get a better job as an engineer.”
It hit me hard; I felt sorry for Quinn. For the first time in our relationship, I did not know what to do next.
I spoke with Gran about it and she said “I should just listen to my heart and it will lead me in the right direction.”
Well, I was lost without Quinn, I knew that much. He was my heart but I could not cancel on Sam since he saved me from going to the Prom by myself. So I decided to wait until after the Prom to talk to Quinn about us and our future. I wanted to have a good time with my friends.
Tara and JB, Holly and Andy, Amelia and Tray, Sam and I headed to the Prom as scheduled. We were having a great time until we headed for the hotel; Sam took it all wrong and thought we were a couple. I guess I led him on but I did not mean to; so it was Tray and JB that pulled him off of me and kicked the shit out of him. I should have known better, now I thought everyone viewed me as white trash for sleeping with Quinn. How young and naive of me to think that, I wasn’t grown up at all.
It was about a week later I called Quinn and asked him if we could talk; it was that same week that I got a late acceptance letter from LSU. It included a scholarship I needed so I could go to school there. It was a full ride with room and board; I was in heaven.
So when I arrived at Quinn’s house, I was ecstatic and I told him my good news. He was not one bit happy; he wanted to know how I could call him to discuss us but in the same breathe say I was going away to college.
He said there was no way it would work and he was not moving to Baton Rouge for me. It was either him or my school. I told him I could not give up my dreams and he demanded that I stay in Bon Temps-Shreveport area and go to a local college to be with him.
He said, “Sookie, this is what made sense, we were destined to be together and if you move you will spoil it.”
I was so lost, I wanted him back but I wanted to be a teacher all of my life and that meant I need to be in Baton Rouge; this was my main dream all my life. He knew this when we had talked about our future together. He had told me once that we would marry after I graduated from LSU as a teacher and live in Shreveport since they had more schools.
He knew this….
Why was he being so mean?
Why couldn’t he remember this?
Why was he being so selfish?
When did he become number one in our relationship?
Was this emotional blackmail? …………
We weren’t even back together yet and he was making demands I knew I could not give into.
I told him I had to think about his requests he wanted me to give up my dreams and he had me so confused. I needed to speak to Gran, OHHH Hell, I was screwed.
I went home and spoke with Gran and she said;
“What are your dreams child? “
“What type of future do you want?”
“What is your heart telling you?”
“What is your head telling you?”
I answered her without thinking
“To become an Elementary School Teacher; to marry the man I love and have a family”
“That’s easy, I want a simple life with simple things but I want to be a teacher and have a family.”
“My heart is telling me I love Quinn and I should stay here to be with him, to put my dreams on hold for the time being.”
“My head is telling me that’s nonsense. Just because I love him, I should not lose myself. I should proceed with my plans and if he really loved me he would bend a little and we would work it out so that we could have both.”
I knew that the last two statements were backwards; but I didn’t care. I thought I needed Quinn, he was my life. I thought about my conversation with Gran for a few more days before I called Quinn. I asked him to come to Merlotte’s since I figured he could not make a scene. .. In hindsight I should have known better, I screwed myself that night.
Quinn showed up all cocky as if he had the upper hand. It pissed me off he was being such an ass but how could I have ever thought he would be so belligerent. The worst part was he had also been drinking before he got there and ordered a couple of more beers while I tried to explain to him my plan for us.
He wanted nothing to do with it.
I told him I would stay true to him at LSU that I was not the partying type; I would delve into my studies and take classes during the summer so that I was accelerated to graduate sooner. I would come home and visit on all the holidays and be with him as much as possible. If he could come visit me on the weekends we could make this work. I told him I really wanted to be a teacher. That he knew what my dreams were and how could he deny me this. I would have never denied him his dreams.
He wanted NOTHING to do with this plan. He told me it was asinine. He told me point blank for all to hear. “If you truly loved me, you would choose me over your silly dreams.” I was shocked. I was a total fool, how could I have thought he loved me? He was trying to take away my dreams like he took away my virginity.
I got up to walk away and he shot up from the booth and grabbed my arm. He was shouting, “You are MINE and no one else will have you. You are nothing but a white trash, poverty-stricken whore.”
I gasped at him and asked for him to please let me go. I yelled back “I am not trash and I am happy with what little I have and I know I am loved by my family and true friends and that’s all that matters.” He could call me a whore if he wanted to but I knew better and that he was the cheating bastard, not me.
I walked out of Merlotte’s and never looked back.