Chapter 22: Graduation / My Undoing

SPOV

My life was bliss.

I was in love.

 I was with the man of my dreams.

What else could a girl ask for?

The summer went by quickly but not quick enough that Eric and I got to know each other well.  Don’t be a nasty bird I know what you thinking but it wasn’t all sexual. Yeah the sex was great but we needed to know each other first.  We talked 24/7 and enjoyed each other’s company.  We stole away when we could to have sex, neither of us was quiet when it came to our love making so we made sure we got away from time to time. 

We both agreed that we didn’t want our relationship to be built on sex alone.

 We knew we would be separate for long lengths of time and knew we needed to build a trust and bond that could not be broken by distance or by anybody. 

The weekend we spent alone was bliss but that creepy neighbor of Gran’s freaked me out a bit.  A few weeks later Janice and I were shopping in Shreveport and I saw him following us.  I didn’t think much of it because he lived in Shreveport too.   I guess hindsight being 20/20 I should have had my spidey senses going off but I didn’t so I never told anyone. 

 I ignored it like I had during my episodes with Quinn.   I know foolish but I didn’t give it much thought.

Eric and I talked a lot about our future and where we wanted to live.  We talked about marriage too but we both agreed it was too early and I didn’t want Eric proposing to me just so I was wearing his ring. 

I was old fashion in that sense.

Maybe I did have sex with the man before I got married but I knew that our love was our bond and no ring or piece of paper was needed.  Hell we could have formed a blood bond and pinkies swore our devotion to one another but that wasn’t needed.

We had what mattered most TRUTH and HONESTY.

August came up quickly and we made plans for going back to school.  Eric and I would go ahead a day before and then Alcide would bring Janice up the following day.  

Well things change; you never know what is going to happen with this family you had to be on your toes at all times and change was inevitable.

The whole gang showed up together the day after our arrival. 

It was a little tense when my dorm mates spotted Eric the first night but Bob the security guy was a godsend.  The following day the Three Musketeers were together at my dorm hall so it was even more chaotic but they handled it with dignity and class and my dorm mates loved them.

The boys had planned a welcome back luncheon and it was fantastic.  It was awesome that they did it and the co-eds of LSU loved them.  Eric explained that it would be easier for them to slip in on campus and not be stalked if they did it this way. 

Well it worked.

He visited me every few months.  The first being a location shoot.  It was awesome and Eric and I spent as much time as we could together.  He even stalked me on set when the scene was over of the Vampires crashing the Halloween dance.   The camera crew was told by Felicia to watch our antics and capture it on film in case they could use it in the future.  Let me just say when Eric caught me it wasn’t G or M-rated and it made the cutting room floor.  Eric was a little pissed about the footage but he understood why Felicia did it, they didn’t want to miss another opportunity like in Shreveport.  Felicia said we had wicked chemistry and it would be a shot of a life time if she could capture something genuine on film. 

The week shoot was too short but we got in as much quality time as possible.  Eric even stayed in my dorm room instead of the hotel that was booked.

When they left we had Christmas to look forward to.  The ‘Blood Moon’ taping season ran long this year; there were more complicated scenes so the usually four months turned into six months.   I was okay with that because I was still in school so I didn’t miss Eric as much. 

We talked all the time so I knew we were good.  He was so open and honest with me it was really scary knowing that someone was being so truthful to me.

I was so busy getting ready to graduate I paid little attention to the outside world.  Don’t get me wrong I knew what was going on around me but I wanted to graduate with high grades and make everyone proud. 

The one thing I was totally aware of was the harassment lawsuit against Mr. Compton.  Mr. C had called me because it was starting to get nasty and he wanted to give me a heads up that Mr. Compton’s lawyers were looking into to everyone lives.   They wanted to contact me but Mr. C held them off saying that the lawsuit was with Jackson and Eric not me.  I knew I would be involved but I didn’t want my life turned upside down.

When we were home for Spring break I felt like I was being watched again but I never noticed anyone.  I kept my guard up but I felt safe once everyone was together.   I knew I was being silly, I didn’t have a stalker anymore, he was in prison and I had Eric to keep me safe and when he wasn’t able I had Dad.

Spring break was quick but I knew we needed to get back, graduation was only two weeks away and I was looking forward to seeing Eric again.

When we got back we were told by security that there was a break- in at our dorm.  They ransacked our entire floor.  It seemed like a prank but Bob told us to be on our guard.  We looked through our rooms but nothing seemed like it was taken so we figured it was some type of sorority prank and moved on.

Graduation was upon us and Eric was there with all of my family.  The graduation went on without a hitch and everyone was respectful to The Three Musketeers.  That was until after the ceremony.

Eric wanted us to all go out for dinner so he chose the diner we went to before; we figured we would be safe and have privacy.   Well let me tell you safe and privacy is an understatement.

The paparazzi tracked us down.

I was watching my love my future happiness slip away from me right in front of my eyes and if you could see shock and devastation in someone’s eyes you could see it in mine and Eric’s.

They yelled out at us about everything.  I just stood there slack jawed and listened to everything.

 They yelled out Eric’s full name and his true identity (CEO of yada yada), his true net worth (multi billionaire), the bank account he had opened in my name in Bon Temps so that he could take care of my gold-digging ways, his hidden life (life as CEO and actor).  Everything…..

I was in shock and I couldn’t think but I knew I needed to get away.  I told Eric to leave me alone and I didn’t want him riding home with me.

I was HURT.  I was ANGRY.  But most of all I was DEVASTATED. 

He lied to me.

He told me he trusted me and told me everything.  Well apparently trust is only a word to him because what he held back from me was a deal breaker.

I didn’t care about his money or his fame, I never did.  I cared about the man behind his name.  I loved him with all my heart and I trusted him.  Well apparently he didn’t trust me.

We arrived back to the H’s where we were all suppose to stay but I couldn’t stay I needed seclusion.  I needed my old room at the farmhouse.

I was gonna run.

But first I had to give Eric a piece of mind before I walked out of his life.

The family gathered in the kitchen and I held my hand up before anyone could speak.  I had to say my piece and get the hell out of there.

I told Eric I was disappointed in him and that if he really did love me he would not have kept these secrets from me.  I told him I could have handled everything better if he had only been truthful and honest with me.   I knew my next words would hurt him but I didn’t care, I told him if he truly did love me he could have trusted me with everything that he was.  I told him I was going home and not to ever follow me because I wanted nothing to do with him ever again. I couldn’t be with someone that didn’t trust me to keep their secrets.

I stormed out of the house and left.  I didn’t even say goodbye, I just left.

The forty minute drive took me over two hours.  I had to stop numerous times because I could not see through my tears.

 It was about one hour in that I noticed a car behind me.  I didn’t care who it was, I figured it was Eric but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

It was when I pulled into the farmhouse that I found out it was Tara and Amelia behind me.  They wanted to make sure I made it home in one piece; they were afraid I would wreck my car but figured they would be there if I swerved off the road and couldn’t drive.

 I made it home but not in one piece, my heart was shattered and left in Shreveport and my body felt like I had been pulled limb from limb. 

Tara and Amelia told me when I was ready to talk they would be there for me.

I told them I would call them later but I needed to be alone.

I was happy only eight hours prior, but everything was shattered at that damn diner.

I no longer had a love life.

I no longer had a boyfriend.

I no longer had my dreams.

I only had a shattered life and no one to turn to.  Before I would talk to Eric and the moon but I couldn’t do that now, it was all lost to me.

He betrayed me.

He lied to me.

 He didn’t trust me.

I felt like the whole Quinn thing was happening all over again.

A few weeks had gone by before I finally got my emotions under control.  We were well into June and I knew I needed to get myself right with the world again.  I needed to get out and I needed to start living again.

I felt like I had a death in the family.  But that death was only my heart.

How can you love someone so much and not know the other person.   How can they hide their true selves from their significant other?  I just didn’t understand and every time Jason or Gran tried to explain why Eric did what he did I didn’t want to listen.

I realized I wasn’t taking proper care of myself when all of the H’s paid me a visit.  Janice and Alcide told me I looked like shit and I needed to get out of my funk and soon.

Alcide pulled me aside and told me he understood my feelings on the matter but that I had to understand why Eric chose to wait to tell me.  He had every intention of telling me but the opportunity for a sit down of this magnitude never presented itself.  There were numerous times he was told not to wait by Jason, Gran and himself but Eric said it was never a good time.  He was waiting until after my graduation so that he could tell me everything and why he opened up the account that Jason’s name is on to.  It just wasn’t an account for me it was for the both of us and it was meant to keep Compton’s paws off the properties.  Eric had even went so far to pay off the mortgage on Jason’s place and told him and Pam it was a pre-wedding present.  He didn’t want Compton to get his greedy claws into anything that belonged to the Stackhouse’s.

I told Alcide I was starting to realize I should have let him talk to me but it still hurt.  He hurt me to the very core and I didn’t know if I could ever forgive him.  Yes I did love him and gods help me I didn’t know how to stop; but he told me we would always communicate and be brutally honest with each other no matter what.

 Well he blew that one out of the water.

Alcide asked me if I could see it in my heart to call him.

Could I, I didn’t think I could, I didn’t think I could get out anything coherent and not blubber on the phone.

I told him I still needed time, besides I didn’t even know where he was.

Alcide let me know that Gran convinced him to go to Sweden to stay with his step-mom so that he could think and stay away from me.

I could understand that but it just felt like he ran away from me.  I knew that was silly talk, I was the one who ran and told him I never wanted to see him again but I just felt that if he really wanted me he would have stayed by and fought for me.

But I knew I was being selfish, why would he stay and fight if I pushed him away.  I was blaming him for everything and not accepting any blame in myself, I needed to deal with the fact that I did something stupid and so did he and we needed to get by this so we could have our forever.

Another week went by and I called Janice to see what the plans were for the July 4th holiday and my birthday.  She said we were all getting together at the H’s and I was welcome to join in.  I knew I needed to get back to life so I agreed and told her I would be there a day before my birthday.

That gave me less than a week to get myself together and join the world again. 

Remember hindsight is always a fickle thing.

 I wanted to call Eric.  I wanted us to talk.

As I was getting ready to head out; I thought to myself that I wanted him back and I needed to get with Eric and just talk but that all changed when I heard a knock on my front door, I opened the door and on the porch were four RAG magazines, with the headlines flashed across them.

                        Eric Northman Taken Off the Eligible Bachelor List

                        Eric Northman has Found His TRUE Mate in Sweden

                        American Girl Catches a Swede

                         CEO/ACTOR Finds True Love

I crumpled in the doorway.  I looked up and saw a blur someone or something was moving through the cemetery but it was a blur none the less through my tears streaked eyes.  I could hear cackling in my ears and I just lay down in the doorway and hyperventilated until I passed out.

I don’t know how long I had laid in the doorway but it was Pam and Alcide who found me with the papers crumpled in my arms.  Alcide picked me up and cradled me like a baby and Pam tried to sooth me by rubbing my back and telling me to shush and calm down.  It worked for a little while but when I remembered what had happened my tears and heavy breathing would start all over again.

The only thing that coherently came out of my mouth was, “I knew I wasn’t good enough for him”.

I asked Alcide to let me go and I ran into my bedroom and slammed the door, I couldn’t face anyone now, everything was ruined.

Why did I wait so long to talk to him?

 He didn’t love me I was just a space holder for him to get back to Dawn Fucking Green.

I locked my door and dragged my small chest dresser in front of the door; I didn’t want anyone near me.  I needed solitude.  Pam knocked on the door and I told her to go away.

 I wanted to be by myself.  She did leave but a few moments later Alcide knocked and told me that a door lock and dresser wouldn’t keep him out if he wanted in there. 

I just shrug even if he couldn’t see it and moved the dresser back but I left the door locked.  I heard good girl from the other side.

It reminded me of the times Eric would call me ‘sweet girl’ and I threw myself at the door and slid down it crying.

I heard Alcide talking calmly to me from outside the door but I didn’t want him near me.  Even if they didn’t realize it Pam and Alcide presence made me think of Eric which made me think of my lost and I would just sob harder. 

I don’t know how long they stayed out there but I was passed out so I didn’t care.  I felt the door moving and Alcide picked me up once again this time it was Gran who did the soothing and I clung to her.

All I could say was, “WHY.”

Gran told me I needed to think back on my discussions with Eric about the RAG magazines and what I was to do.

His words came back to me in a RUSH.

 I heard his words, “If there was a picture or situation I thought was odd or wrong to get a hold of him and we would talk about it.   Do not jump to conclusions.”

Was that what I was doing?

 Should I have given him the benefit of the doubt?

 But if there was nothing true about the magazine article then why wasn’t he trying to call me to tell me so.

 A relationship was a two way street and I decided then and there I was not going to blame myself any longer.   I was going to get on with my life. If the article was truly in the wrong then he should be able to tell me to my face or a least honor me with a phone call.  If he wanted to save our love he should be able to communicate to me that the magazines miss-understood something. 

It wasn’t until I ventured out for the evening that everything fell apart again.

 Everyone was in the living room watching Entertainment Tonight, when the video came on of the proposal of marriage.   It was a bit grainy, and the sound was a bit off but Eric was dancing with Dawn and then you heard the words, “I Missed YOU, Will You Marry Me.”    It was a few moments later and they were sitting down when Dawn Screamed, “YES, I will Marry YOU.” 

 You didn’t see Eric again but I didn’t care that was enough to seal my deal of his lost.  I gasped a little and everyone turned around.

They all looked at me and then the video while it was being replayed.  It was Dad who said something was fishy about that video and for me to cool my jets.  I hadn’t lost yet.

Yes I had lost,  I had the proof it was in the form of a video.

I told everyone after I got my emotions under control that I was going to stop hiding; I was going to get on with my life without Eric since he simply did not choose me.   I was going to get out in the sun and enjoy my life because apparently it didn’t include the love of my life and soul mate.

On Monday I was going to start filling out applications for areas schools so that I could teach and if I needed to pass the time I could waitress. That I hoped I would have all of their support.  I finished up by saying if Eric was in town visiting to please let me know so that I could find somewhere else to be.  I did not feel up to seeing him yet, besides if his girlfriend was with him I didn’t think I could handle it.

Everyone told me they were happy I was coming back to myself but they all agreed that they didn’t think I lost Eric; there was something terribly wrong with this whole situation.

I told them I didn’t care anymore I had to take care of myself and get on with life.

I turned around and left the room, I knew that if I was to break down anymore it had to be in private, I was not going to let them see that I was still devastated.  I doubted I would ever have a love like I felt with Eric but I knew I had lost everything the day of my graduation and it all hinged on being honest and truthful to your MATE.

 I was never going to let that happen again.

The next few months flew by.  I knew everyone had talked to Eric over the last few months and I was told numerous times that everything in Sweden was faked but I just didn’t care anymore.  I had a new life and I lost Eric back in May and I would never get him back.  I didn’t deserve him, I thought numerous times that I truly deserved a man like Quinn, but I knew that that was just wrong in every way.  No one deserved a man like Quinn and that is when I got an idea.

 I needed to talk to Quinn face to face, I wanted some answers.

I called Det. Coughlin and asked him if he could get me in to see Quinn and if he would go with me.  He told me he thought it was a bad idea but I told him I needed to find some things out and only Quinn held the answers.  He told me he would go but only if he was allowed to be in the room too.

I agreed that it probably was not a good idea to go alone but I had an inkling on what Quinn was going to say but I needed to hear it.

I had heard that Eric was coming into town around Thanksgiving so I needed to get away for a couple of weeks so our paths did not cross.  This was going to be the perfect time to get away so I made the arrangements to head up to Baton Rouge on Monday night so that we could go by the prison on Tuesday morning, I could take my time coming home, maybe visit friends or just sight see.  I still wasn’t a teacher at a particular school so I didn’t have a set schedule.  However, I was substituting and that would lead to what I wanted to do most of all, have my own classroom and teach.

I heard Gran on the phone and she was talking to Eric, he always called right before Sunday supper, I tried to strain to hear his voice but I couldn’t.  I know it was wrong of me and I should have asked to talk to him and just said hello but I couldn’t, I was still hurting.

 I knew once everyone learned what I was going to do I would have to talk with each and every one of them and I would have to hear them say how stupid I was for doing this alone.   If I needed anyone for this it was Eric, I needed his strength and his love because I was going to confront a predator but I needed to learn how to stand on my own two feet and do this on my own, I could not rely on my family or him for so much.  But since Eric was out of the relationship equation I was on my own.  Besides the detective was going to be there so I would be okay. 

 It was then that I heard Gran tell him yes we were both home and he could come on over any time.  I heard her make arrangements to see him for lunch on Monday so I knew I could get away early so I wouldn’t have to see him.

 I ran back into my room and raced through packing my clothes and toiletries that I would need for the next two weeks.    I snuck my bag out to my car and slipped it in the back seat that way in the morning I could get away clean and no one would be the wiser until they looked for me and found a note saying I was visiting friends and I would be back in 2 weeks time.

I had already made hotel arrangements in Baton Rouge for three nights, I could always extend them so I wasn’t worried about that, I was just upset that I would be missing Family Thanksgiving for the first time, but I knew if Eric was in town he would be there and I couldn’t be, I couldn’t let him get to me, I missed him too much to let him know that I dreamed of the day where I  could put aside my differences so that we could be together again.

I had seen a RAG magazine and it had Eric with another starlet on his arm, it was one of his co-stars but I couldn’t let it get to me.  They looked happy, he eyes were sparking when he looked at her and it was the same sparkle I saw when he looked at me once upon a time.  He had promised me once it would only be Pam or Isabel on his arm for premiers and such but I guess he decided we were finally over and he didn’t have to keep his word to me anymore.

The thing with Dawn had blown over once Eric made a statement to the press that it was all a lie; he might have danced with Dawn but none of his party could remember the pledge of marriage while they partied that night or any other night.  Dawn was never found for comment.

I made it back into the house in time for Gran to let me know that the H’s would not be over for supper, they never missed it, they had company but Alcide said he would be over for dessert.  I knew who the company was and I didn’t lead onto the fact that I did.  I just let her get away with what she thought was coyness and miss-information.  Gran didn’t know I heard her conversation with Eric and I was going to keep it that way.

Supper was nice, it was Gran, Jason, Pam and I.  It was quiet and we talked but they kept the conversation away from Eric and Thanksgiving.  I guess they thought I was ignorant to knowing if Pam and Alcide were in town then Eric would be too.  Let them have their fun, they would get a rude awakening come tomorrow,   TWO can PLAY at that GAME.

Alcide came by about eight o’clock and had pie with us.  He talked to me about the new season they were shooting on ‘Blood Moon’ and it was going to be a good year, the session was going to be very dark in nature.  (I figure if Eric was brooding it carried over to the show, go figure)   I told him I missed most of last season and I didn’t think I could watch this season and see Eric.  I still hurt too much to watch him or hear his voice.

Pam was shocked and said so, she said she thought I had watched last year, I told her I did until May and then I lost interest and I never got the interest back to see it this year.    She told me when I was ready she would get the show taped for me so I could watch it.

 I told her not to bother, I was done with it.

There was a gasp from all four of my table mates but I just went on like I didn’t hear anything or say anything bad.  I wanted to move on from the conversation so I asked Pam if she and Jason set a date yet. 

That got our conversation headed into another direction.  As the night wore on I excused myself and said I was tired, truth be told I needed a good night’s sleep since I was driving tomorrow and it was a long drive.

I woke up bright and early and I could hear Gran talking to herself in the kitchen, apparently she was on the phone so it was a good time for me to head out to the bank and get some cash for my trip.

When I arrived at the bank I was startled when I saw Eric talking to the bank manager, I guess he was doing bank business so I needed to be careful that he didn’t see me. It never dawned on me why he was banking in Bon Temps; I just pushed that thought aside.

 I quickly went to the teller, withdrew my money and then quickly headed back out the front door.  As I started to exit I saw Eric looking my way but he didn’t acknowledge me so I was unsure if he saw me or if he was just in thought.  My heart was fluttering at the sight of him but I needed to get out of there.

If you didn’t know better you would have thought someone was chasing me.  I was moving so quickly.  I also knew that if Eric was in town already then he would be over sooner than I thought.  I high tailed it home and went inside to get changed.

Gran met me in the living room and asked me where I had been.  I told her I ran to the bank but I had another errand to run and would be leaving shortly and I would be back later.

She never asked where I was going and how much later I would be and I was grateful for that at least, I couldn’t lie to her; I could avoid her but I couldn’t lie to her.

I quickly wrote my note and addressed it to Gran and left it on my pillow so she would see it.   I purposely left my door open so she wouldn’t think anything was wrong and high tailed it out there.

I knew it was wrong to lie to Gran and miss communicate what I was up to but I had to get away from the farmhouse.

I wasn’t ready to face Eric yet.

I needed my questions answer.

I was going to see Quinn.

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Author’s Note: I apologize for the delay of a new chapter.  Some of you know I have been sick; I actually have an ulcer that I have been being treated for over the last four months, I have one more month and then I should be good to go.  The meds make me sick sometimes more than the ulcer does.  So my muse has been less than cooperative.  I don’t know how many times I wrote this chapter and changed it around.  I decided to stop fiddling with it.  I hope you enjoy it and I am hoping to get back into the swing of posting at least once a week.  On a positive note, I have been working on another story that has smacked me up the side of the head and it is almost complete so I will either post it before I finish ‘FIFTY’ or wait until after I finish that one up too.  Have a great day Kristie

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2 thoughts on “Chapter 22: Graduation / My Undoing

  1. This was so hard to read…I understand Sookie’s POV When people claim to love each other they should TRUST each other..
    We all know that Eric had intention to tell Sookie all about himself but he never found a right place or time to do it!
    Please Sookie don’t see Quinn he’ll tell you bad things…things that will break you…
    The mature thing to do is to talk Eric and make him explain….

    But as you said Kirstie Sookie is such a stubborn lady

    • yes she is stubborn and it shows up at all the wrong times especially now when her world is falling apart and she doesn’t want to believe anything people may tell her. she thinks she knows best but she doesn’t. as for Quinn we will see how he acts. KY

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