I heard a song the other day that made me think of my lover, it fit us to a tee. It was a song about prejudices, not only of the church but in life, its name was ‘Take me to Church’ by Hozier. It fit our once relationship well, the trial and tribulations we suffered through came to the forefront of my mind. The song was us and I had decided then and there that maybe this was whatever god there was telling me to smarten up and listen.
When I first heard the words I thought it said my lover is not human. It shook me to my very core. I had to google the lyrics to make sure I was not hearing things. My very soul was on fire until I saw the words but you know what my bonded got my humor and I got hers, we were so alike in that aspect. However, it got me to thinking about the rest of the song and how it applied to us.
My lover’s got humour
She’s the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody’s disapproval
I should’ve worshipped her sooner
If the heavens ever did speak
She’s the last true mouthpiece
Every Sunday’s getting more bleak
A fresh poison each week
My Church offers no absolutes
She tells me, ‘Worship in the bedroom.’
The only heaven I’ll be sent to
Is when I’m alone with you—
Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
If I’m a pagan of the good times
My lover’s the sunlight
To keep the Goddess on my side
She demands a sacrifice
Drain the whole sea
Get something shiny
Something meaty for the main course
That’s a fine looking high horse
What you got in the stable?
We’ve a lot of starving faithful
This song was about us, she was a telepath who knew every ones thoughts, and me a creature of the night, a dark creature who would drain everyone who would even think to hurt her. I was her darkness, she was my sunlight. The only time we never argued was while making love. And the other times when we would argue she would call me a high-handed asshole. If this song wasn’t a sign of some sort, -what was-?
I knew of course that it wasn’t written about us but it has so many similarities it got me to thinking.
I would pray to her god or even Odin if she be allowed to come back into me life. I needed some guidance soon because if it did not come I was sure I could not make the next year, the last three have been hell.
So I did what I thought was right and Freyda hated it of course, I found a church to attend on Sunday nights and I listened.
I didn’t want to speak to the pastor; I just asked whatever deity that was listening to me to give me a sign on how to get through my life. I no longer had my lover nor do I have my children close by. As of three years ago my children had moved far away. The best guess I have is Europe somewhere but since it is stated in my contract I am not allowed contact with them either I really do not know where they disappeared to. I was only told that they moved after her death and didn’t leave a forwarding address.
I missed her, my lover my bonded my wife my mate… She has been gone from my life now for four years and of that four, two and a half were in death.
I missed her smile so damn much and I would never see it again, my only solace was I had her in my memories.
I needed to know that I was meant to go on. That our love was meant to be and it was precious while it lasted.
She was no longer in my life or on this earth.
As I think back I wasn’t the only cause of our demise but I was a big part of it. I should have included her in the final decisions of the contract to Oklahoma but by then it was too late.
But before then…..
She ripped herself out of my life when she broke the bond between us. She hurt me more than she will ever know. I loved our bond as much as I loved her.
Why did she not see this? Why did she feel it was her enemy? Why did she treat me like her enemy?
I would protect her always…I tried to protect her always.
However what really broke us apart was my dead Maker and a damn contract that I could not find a loop hole in. Gods know I tried, I tried everything. The day of the divorce I didn’t need a damn bond to know how she felt, I could see it in her eyes. She was devastated.
Her eyes had always told me everything…Her eyes were the windows to her soul.
I am haunted by those eyes if not by her laughter. I hear her laughter throughout my head, it is always there egging me on. I missed her so damn much.
I forced her into the arms of another so that I would feel better about her being happy and safe once I left for good. My thoughts were that if she was happy I would be able to survive. I tried to make myself feel better about the next 200 years of servitude. The contract I signed for an extra 100 years was to keep her and my children safe.
Why the fuck did it not keep her safe? Where the hell was the protection de Castro said she would have?
The bitch queen I was married to was that, a huge bitch. She told me to get over her death, everyone dies, and I was being childish. Freyda does not know what love is but she wishes it of me. She thinks love is given freely, far from it, it is earned and I learned that the hard way. I thought Sophie Ann was bad but Freyda was ten times worse and more childish than a 5 year old. I try to keep my distance from her as much as possible.
Granted I would do as mandated by the contract, I would go to court with her at night and train her guards for her in the early evening hours as well as helping her make her state more profitable but I would never love her. She would never have my love. I would bed her once a year as contracted to do and in turn get the sexual contact over with quickly, since it was my duty, but I would never love her.
I knew what my life was going to be like for the next 196 years but I never knew how bad it would get knowing she was now gone.
The only lover I will ever have is gone.
Mina två döttrar are gone.
I need to find out what happened?
I would indeed find out but I needed to bide my time, I needed to be careful, Freyda could not learn of what I was doing.
And when I find out how she was killed and why, heads would roll…Like bowling for vampires all over again…
I knew my spiral of what humans call depression was getting worse and I knew that if I didn’t get a handle on it soon I would walk into the sun and bring upon on my True Death. I didn’t want to give Freyda the satisfaction of knowing she caused my death.
I made the decision to do something I haven’t done in all of my thousand plus years.
So every Sunday evening I would attend a service in her honor and listen to the sermon of the pastor. He was talking of tolerance which fit in well with the song and it goaded me on to come again and again to Sunday evening services.
About five months had passed since I first started to attend when a child sat down beside me. She couldn’t have been more than ten years old but she reminded me of my lover and had her same tenacity.
She spoke to me and said she liked it in the back because she didn’t always understand what was being said in the sermon and she could read a book if she got bored, so while her mother attended the service up towards the front, she chose to be in the back just in case. She asked if it was okay for her to stay with me, she felt safe.
I looked at her and smiled and told her she was not a bother and she was safe with me. To be honest she made me feel like my lover was with me each Sunday after our first encounter.
I looked forward to my Sundays if not for the solitude Freyda allowed me for this one outing without guards, but it was also due to this little girl, Addy, she was becoming a good friend. I knew it probably looked bad to any who watched us interact but I felt comfortable with her and her with me.
The pastor and mother approached us after one of the services was over and asked if Addy was bothering me. I told them she was not; she was a great comfort to me as I had lost someone close that she reminded me of. So they agreed it would be okay for her to continue to sit with me if I was okay with it. They both knew I was vampire but did not mention the fact to the child, but I do believe Addy knew what I was and that is why she felt safe…
I continued to drown in my sorrow and take every rising as a night to night event like a recovering alcoholic would. I just needed to move on and get past another day.
I missed my lover so damn much; the littlest things would remind me of her. And Sundays became important to me now due to Addy becoming a friend, she was the closest thing I had to My Sookie.
We talked often about My Sookie and what she meant to me. Yes this little girl was able to pull personal information out me like Sookie had. I knew I could trust her with the knowledge of Sookie and what she had meant to me. What should have been and what would never be.
A few more months went by and Addy was telling me about a book she was reading. It was meant for older kids but she was ahead on her reading level and she enjoyed it. (Just like My Sookie) She said once she was done reading it she would let me read her copy so that we could talk about it; she wanted to know my thoughts on it.
She said she always knew I was different since I felt comfortable hanging out with a child and she believed me to be a vampire by hearing her mothers conversation with a friend of hers but she was not scared at all, she always felt safe with me at her side. She felt untouchable while she was with me and that it soothed her nerves. I could only imagine what her day to day was like, but like her, I too was soothed for at least those few hours.
I thanked her and the following week she delivered the book to me in a gift bag, I chuckled at her and asked why the gift bag. She told me point blank. “I don’t know why but I think this book will cheer you up. The heroine was an awesome badass supernatural that kicked some butt when she was wronged and never let anyone get her down. She reminded me of the friend you told me you lost.”
I knew we had talked about Sookie a few times but I did not realize until then that she actually listened to what I might have said.
I was shocked to say the least but it peaked my interest in the book. Not too many books about supernaturals were good, let alone a child’s book. But I was willing to give it a try.
She had me open my gift and the book was titled, ‘Lost Memories’ by Adele Dumas. I wondered if Adele was related to Alexandre Dumas whom wrote one of my favorite books, “The Count of Monte Cristo”. I smiled down at my little friend and told her thank you and I would have it back to her next week, she told me to keep it, I may want to read it a couple of times. That it may give me the warm fuzzies when I thought of my friend.
When I returned to the palace later that evening I stowed my book in my private room and ventured to the throne room, I took my place next to Freyda, sat down and went into downtime as I listened to her drone on about nonsense. That woman/queen could peel dry paint off of a wall just by talking. Every moment she spoke it reminded me of how young she truly was and how she needed to grow up if she was not to be overthrown. I would love the battle but I was well aware of the implications of me being in her state, she had the brawn she needed to thwart any possible takeovers. As the hours ticked by I thought of My Sookie like I always did. I could swear some times that I could still feel her emotions even if they were faint while I was checking on my bonds with my children to make sure they were still on this realm.
It gave me purpose to go on since no god had given me any sign(s) to know what path to follow but I did know that I needed to keep my children safe so I continued to sit in Freyda’s court as her consort.
Once I got back to my room I looked at the book Addy had bestowed upon me earlier. Why did the name Adele stick in my mind so much? I knew of Dumas and why I thought they were related but Adele had me perplexed. So before I went any farther in the book I thought back to any Adele’s I may have know and the only Adele I knew of was Sookie’s Gran. But I put that aside since I wasn’t too sure why this was bothering me so much.
I studied the jacket of the book a bit since it was a hardcover and the picture of the young girl looked familiar even with her brown hair, her eyes reminded me of My Sookie.
But then lately everything reminded me of Sookie.
I wanted to tear the book up, but I did not, it was a gift and I promised Addy I would read it so I took another look at the jacket of the book and started to read more about the author.
Adele was a young author in her 30’s; her only schooling was up to high school and her two best friends convinced her to write about what she knew. She was born in Norrland Sweden (Norrbotten County) and was raised in the Deep South in the United States. She lived by her southern gentile manners but had the heart of her Viking heritage. She used her young daughter’s picture so that she was kept out of the limelight.
Which made me think that Adele Dumas was a pen name and not her real name, this had red flags going off in my head, I knew I needed to calm down, I was sure the author was not trying to pull the wool over my eyes for she did not know me.
However, I did notice upon a better cross examination of the photo, it has been enhanced a bit and I could only think they made the child appear older than she was to keep her out of the limelight too. It went on to say that the home she was raised in was a farmhouse and she loved it with all her heart and this is where she gave her heroine Aude her roots.
AUDE, like my dead human wife Aude?
What the hell was I reading?
An account of people lost in my long life.
Too many similarities. It only reminded me of My Sookie more.
My mind was a snake’s nest as Sookie had called it more than once. My mind was thinking in all different directions and I am sure if I was not vampire it would have exploded.
I read on and it tells of her life and of her raising her two children, in Oland Sweden with her two best girlfriends. The jacket information alone was starting to get to me but I read it over and over again to glean anything else I might have missed. I felt like the jacket alone was a clue for me and me alone to decipher.
What the hell, was I now losing my mind along with my depression, I had no new clues to whom this woman was or her two best friends.
I decided I needed to read her book and see if there was anything else I could find as clues to her identity, maybe by the end of the book I would have more of what I needed.
Then it occurred to me why did Addy give this book to me? She wasn’t ever glamoured that I know of, was it just a coincidence?
I knew I was trying to hard to find a connection. So I warmed up a bag of blood, drank it down and settled in on my bed to read. The book was 340 pages and it was labeled as a supernatural mystery so I was hoping I could keep my mind focused on the book long enough to finish it by the end of the night, before dawn took me to my day death.
The book was intriguing for me. Aude was definitely as bad ass as Addy had said but she reminded me more of my children than my Sookie. But the main character was a Were who lost his memories from an accident and ended up in the care of Aude’s family. They cared for him as he was family and Aude and the Were became close and love blossomed until he recovered from his memory loss and jilted her in the worst way. He turned his back on her because he could not remember everything that had transgressed between them. So she did the only thing she knew, she shunned him away and watched him from a distance. The book ended with the lover’s distancing themselves from one another but finding out that he, John, had been cursed by a spurned lover and that he may never recover his memories of their time together.
It was a decent book and I would have to say I enjoyed it for a child’s book but I wondered about the coincidences I saw in the book to my own life. There were two many to count, but who was this writer and how did she know my life. But then I thought maybe it was my children and they were writing about the pain that they were enduring too.
But Pam would never go to the windy shithole on purpose.
….Like I said too many coincidences…..
On page 340 it stated that a new book would be out in six months time titled, “Bowling with Supes”. Okay now that was just eerie, bowling with vamps at Sophie Ann’s wedding party and her bowling with supes books; I was going to have to wait for the next book to come out to see what other similarities it had to my life and I would pre-order myself and Addy a book. Since I think I damaged this one a little even though she said she did not want it back I was going to get Addy a new book so that she could keep them all, apparently there was going to be a series of six. I wanted her to have the complete set.
When I went online to pre-order the next book I found that we were already behind in the series, “Bowling for Supes” had been out for about three month and the next one would be out within the year. I placed the order for two books and got a replacement for the one borrowed. But I made sure to send them to the church so that Freyda would not have them destroyed.
I re-read the book every night until I met up with Addy on Sunday.
Upon my arrival at the church the pastor approached me with a box and asked me why I was sending it to him in care of the church. I explained quickly that I was in a bad place at the queen’s compound and I felt that they would destroy the books on delivery. I wanted to make sure Addy got her new books. He assured me that if I needed to have anything sent for protection and /or from destruction to go ahead and send it to the church and he would protect it with his life.
I thanked and told him I was proud to call him a friend.
I saw Addy come in with her mom and she looked flustered but I did not ask what was up. I figured as we spoke she would tell me in her own time. It reminded me of how I had always needed to deal with Sookie, let her talk in her own timeframe or forever not know.
I asked her if she had a good week and she said ‘not really’ her momma was sick and it was getting worse. I felt sorry for the child because I did not know how to help her, but I knew I could be there for her to talk to if she needed someone. I would not overstep my bounds with her.
After we adjusted ourselves in the back pews I asked her, “what was Addy short for?”
Her answer, “Oh I thought you knew ‘Adela’ but my mom pronounces it with and “E” as in ‘Adele’, she just spelt it wrong on my birth certificate.” Another coincidence, I was not too sure anymore.
“So is that why you chose the book to read?”
“Yes, it was fun to know someone else has my name too.”
Okay coincidence over.
“So how did you like the book?” she asked
“I did enjoy it and I have read it several times. I wish to replace yours” – as I handed her her new book- -“And I wish to buy us the series as it comes out so that way we can discuss what we have read… If that is okay with you?”
“Cool, I would like that.”
That being said, I handed her another gift bag with the “Bowling for Supes.”
She was surprised the other book was out already and I told her so was I, and that the next book would be out in a few months. But in the meantime we could read the new book and discuss it when she was finished.
It seemed to have brightened up her day a bit. For that I was happy.
So we sat and talked about the first book and while listening to her point of view I decided I needed to re-read the book. I didn’t see it how she saw it and I am assuming that is because I am an adult and not looking at the text as a child. I liked Addy, she was fun and again she was reminding me of Sookie too much.
I missed my bonded so much; it hurt sometimes to think about her.
As we talked that night I found out Addy was born in July as was my Sookie and I asked her if there was anything she was hoping for as a present. Her only wish was for her momma to get better. I knew I could not give her that so I told her to think of something else since I only had a month until her birthday would be upon us. She said she would get back to me. It was also that night that I found out that she was eleven going on twelve.
I was really bad with judging teacup humans ages.
We parted our ways and she seemed to be in a better mood but I knew if you had a sick parent to tend to it would also break your spirit a little bit each day. I was beginning to wonder why I was concerned so much with this child and I wondered if Addy was my sign to continue with a purpose.
Was I to protect her like I could not protect Sookie or was she just there to be my friend like Pam had been to me and Sookie?
Or was it more paternal?
No matter which one it was I would cherish our friendship until she no longer wanted it.