OHH for the Love of Zombies
CHAPTER 1- Intel
My life used to be simple until my mother Aude Northman decided she needed to help me out with my love life. I am 28 years old have a BA in Marketing from Tulane; after graduating I moved back to my home town of Shreveport, Louisiana. I have a great job, a nice condo, good friends and the bonus is my parents and my sister, Pam, all live in the same city of Shreveport, Louisiana. I think my life is sweet and where it should be, but apparently my parents don’t think so. . Don’t get me wrong, my parents are great and they treat me well but my Mom loves to meddle. She says she wants what is best for me and with my love life’s track record lately, I guess she has a point.
I have not had too many serious relationships and the one that stings the worst is my college sweetheart, Thalia. I thought we were in love but apparently, I was, and she wasn’t. Let’s just say she never stopped cheating on me even when we got engaged. Then to top it off, I also found out she was a gold digger and that hurt me even worse since we had talked about my family’s money when we first got together. She stated numerous times over three years “it did not matter to her who I was or if I was a pauper” since she was with me because she loved me for me. Thalia knew my family had money but when she found out the extent of the true value, dollar signs went off in her mind even louder. I guess I have to give my sister props for changing her last name so that whatever she does in her life is because of her own efforts, not because of her last name.
My family immigrated to the US when I was one year old; I have only known the USA as my homeland and country because my parents made sure of our naturalization when we moved here from Sweden. My parents built their company from scratch when we moved here. I am what you might consider privileged but I try to be as down to earth as I can be; I have seen firsthand how nasty the privileged can get when they think they are better than someone else. I never want to be like that.
Well anyway, my mother decided she needed to start fixing me up with eligible women. Well her taste and my taste in women are polar opposites. I love my mom, but I need her to butt out. She started gradually just inviting single, eligible women over to the house when we would have dinner and then she started inviting them to parties and our family gatherings. The parties I could escape from, when it got to be too much, but the family gatherings I had to start maneuvering around the uninvited advances; so I started inviting my close friends as well. That did not go well with her at first, because she said I was being sneaky; I really wasn’t, I just wanted breathing room and I figured my friends could help run interference.
Well, she went and used my friends against me; I did not think that would be possible but Alcide, Quinn and Sam fell into her grasp rather quickly. It was like watching a spider trap its prey in its web, she was that good. My friends all love her and call her Mom so they did not see at first what she was doing but I watched from the sidelines and it was scary. So Scary, I knew I would be talked into a relationship sooner or later that I did not want; I wanted to be able to live my own life and choose my own mate but Mom thought I was running out of time. Call her old fashioned, she was born and raised in Sweden along with my father so I guess some of their ways or customs are old fashioned because they have stuck to their families traditions or according to Pam the “Old Swedish Way”. I am sure when Mom is done with me she will be after Pam next. Good Luck with her, Pam, You will need it.
So one night, I was talking to Alcide, trying to come up with a game plan for my love life and he told me if I wanted to get out from under my Mom’s radar I needed to come up with a fake girlfriend; but one I could substantiate by pictures and a believable story. I thought it was a great idea because that is how he found Maria for himself.
He told me how they met, a couple of times too many. Alcide was talking to a friend while waiting in line at Starbucks and Maria was standing in line behind them; she overheard them talking about his plan.
Maria then offered a bit of advice on the matter to Alcide “that he would need to find someone willing to go along with the made up story, so that when there needed to be a meet the parental units’ day there would not be any issues or back pedaling since the supposed girlfriend was already on the hook”. So Alcide, being Alcide, then asked Maria if she knew of anyone and she offered up herself, she said he was an attractive, funny man and since she knew the background information as to why he needed a fake girlfriend to begin with, she was good to go.
She said she would not mind being his wingman and that way she would be able to pass as the good girlfriend when she met his parents. Funny thing is, it backfired and they fell in love and I mean hard LOVE, but the best thing that came out of it was both his parents and my mom approved of her.
So now it’s time for me to find a fake girlfriend; but I would have to be sneaky, have her live outside of Shreveport and not run in the same cliques as my parents. I wanted someone smart, laid back, their own person and who could take care of themselves. Where the Hell was I to find her? So Alcide suggested the internet? Dating services, NO FUCKING WAY! So I started looking to see what cities lie around Shreveport and that’s when I found Bon Temps, it was only a 40 minute drive away so it fit perfectly for my fake relationship. It was not too far away and it was a small community so I figured there had to be someone there who could fit my profile perfectly.
GOOD LUCK RIGHT!!!!!!
So I took a drive one day to see what there was in Bon Temps: I needed intel on the city so I could have places to look into on the internet search for my new sweetheart. But when I arrived in Bon Temps I figured I would have to look elsewhere. To say the least, this place was as backwater as a place could get. My mom would never believe me about finding anyone from here. But I was determined, so I looked to see what major city departments, schools, and whatnot were in this Podunk town. Bon Temps did not have much; City Hall, Police Station, Library, two Schools and a Bar.
Damn, I was going to be toast trying to find someone. So I took the information back with me to my condo and searched the web. Even though it was a little town they stored their information on the internet and each location or department had their very own detailed website. I sat for hours looking through all the websites browsing for my new girlfriend, I was getting very frustrated. I almost gave up before I got to the Bon Temps High School website; there had to be somebody there (GOD please help me here, I’m crashing and burning). I started surfing through the staff, and then the teachers and nothing caught my eye. I figured I was doomed and then the next to last teacher came up onto the website and I about died. There she was — the most beautiful creature I ever saw, Sookie Stackhouse–, she stole my heart at that minute. I knew I was doomed because she would never be mine. But I had to remember this was a fake girlfriend for a fake situation, I was so screwed. How the Hell was I going to pull this off?
So I browsed some more and found out she taught tenth grade. She majored in Science with a minor in Art and graduated from LSU and with the date supplied on website for her graduation from college I figured her to be 26 years old. This website was better than a Google search; they had more information on each staff employee than I think some private detectives would have had. But at such a small school, you had only one teacher for all of your classes except for PE so I guess it was fitting for you to know who your children’s teachers were. The funny thing I found next on the website was that there was also a Jason Stackhouse listed on the staff. I thought once again I was screwed there was no way I could have a married girlfriend; this would blow up in my face. So I proceeded to read a little bit more about him and decided it was her brother, I knew it wasn’t her husband because they looked alike; plus I did a little bit more research on him just to be safe.
I Google’d their names from their local newspaper and found out that Jason was older than his sister and was very proud of her because she got a full ride to LSU because of her grades and test scores; she was listed as Valedictorian of her class at Bon Temps High School. Jason had stated he was not so lucky but got to go to LSU on a Sport Scholarships, apparently he received a partial scholarship for Football, which made sense for his PE teacher status. Sookie was making me very proud of her accomplishments but it made me wonder why she went back to Bon Temps and not onto another big city to excel in her field. I wondered why she was in the education field, she had to have had bigger plans, what derailed her to come back home.
I knew I was thinking too much, my head began to hurt.
I wondered what else she had done and I really wanted to see her Class Yearbook so I would have a good story to give my mother. I needed as much information as possible so I decided to make another trip out to Bon Temps this time to visit the local library and maybe do a little recon on her from the locals.
It was a few days before I could get back to Bon Temps to do my recon but I had already downloaded her picture from the website and newspaper so I printed them up. Now that I think about it, I feel like I am stalking her and being a bit of a creep.
Only Giant Perverts do this kinda thing right!
I had to be careful how I proceeded so no one thought of me “a big giant perv”. I made sure I went to the library on a school day so no one would suspect anything. I just told work I had errands and would be in late; it seemed a good cover story at the time.
So off to Bon Temps I went, I found the library and walked inside, I was greeted by Mrs. Beck, the librarian, and she welcomed me with open arms and asked me if I needed any help. So I asked her about old BonTempHigh School yearbooks and she directed me to them. I also led her to believe I was interested in moving into the community and if she could give me any history on Bon Temps, I would greatly appreciate it. Mrs. Beck said she could not supply that type of information correctly as she was not a native Bon Temps resident. However, the elderly woman over at the romance novels was a long time resident and her name was Adele. Mrs. Beck directed me to speak to her because if there was anything in this town to know about, it would be Adele who would be able to tell me the history of it. I thanked her and went off to talk to Adele before I found the yearbooks I wanted to look through in the library’s research section.
So I walked over to Adele and introduced myself. I gave her my correct name because I only thought it was fair and I did not want too many lies out there. The more lies I told the more possibility there was they would come back to bite me in the ass; been there, done that and I did not want it to happen again. Adele was a gentle and kind woman she spoke of this little back water town as if she was talking about the Taj Mahal. She gave it such depth I was drawn into her recollections of the town she grew up in and it was the same town where she raised her two grandchildren.
I loved talking to this woman and when my stomach started to growl she asked me if I had plans for lunch; I told her I did not. I knew I would need to leave soon to get back to work but I was just enjoying her company too much. I have never been able to speak to someone of Adele’s age and stay interested; she was a very captivating woman and I did not want to leave. She then asked me if I wanted to come back to her small farm house and have lunch with her and that way we could continue our conversation. I thought it was odd of her to ask me since I was a stranger and told her so; she said not to fret she could tell I was not a threat to her; she said she has a good intuition for people. I told her I would love to have lunch with her, but I first needed to look for something in the research section of the library. She told me that was fine, she needed to pick out a couple of romance novels and she would meet me at the front of the library when I was finished. I did not want to hold her up too much so I quickly did my research and found out what I needed to know about Sookie. She wasn’t the most popular student but she was very involved in school which I thought was odd because the two usually coincide. So I just tucked that information aside and met up with Adele.
As we got to our cars, she told me to follow her since the turn off was tricky onto Hummingbird Lane. So that I did not get lost, I told her I would stay right behind her. As I was following her home I thought about what I was doing and if it was a good idea. I told myself it was a good idea and just to keep going along with it. I was not hurting anyone and I was looking forward to more of Adele’s time and stories. I decided it would be best to call work and let them know that the errands I was doing would be taking longer than I thought and did not know if I would make it in today. Lucky I did not have much lined up today so my boss just told me to take the rest of the day off.
As we turned onto Hummingbird Lane, I realized it wasn’t much more than a gravel driveway and proceeded down it. I had a flash of a thought that this was not a good idea and I started to get worried. One, hopefully there wasn’t any pot holes and two, where the hell was she taking me? Little old lady or not I was not having good thoughts about this drive to nowhere. As we came up to the old farm house, I thought to myself this house would be beautiful if some work was done to it; to replace some of the gutters and maybe a new paint job but I figured Adele was not from a wealthy family so I just set my thoughts to the side, not all of us grew up privileged.
She was opening her doors to me and offering food I did not want to deny her this simple pleasure of good food and company. God, I hoped it was good food, oh well at least I knew I would have good company. She told me to pull around back because that is what all family members did and we would enter through the kitchen door.
Then I thought I’m not family, hmmmm food for thought.
So I followed her and parked my car next to hers. I noticed that her lawn was well kept and she had a huge back yard that led into the woods. I wondered how much of the property belonged to her and thought to ask her later. She may be wealthy in land but nothing monetary.
As we arrived in the kitchen I saw it was old and dated but well kept. Adele seemed to love her kitchen and she told me about how old everything was and she could not part with anything from her ancestors. She told me to wash my hands at the sink and she would prepare us lunch. I never thought she would make us a home cooked meal but she proceeded to make me fried chicken, mash potatoes, greens and a pecan pie for dessert. I told her that was too much but she said she always had something prepared in the morning, in case her grandbabies came home for lunch. She told me she enjoyed cooking and feeding her grandbabies and she was just using me as a fill in today for lunch since they were both working.
I laughed at that and she told me she had been taking care of her grandbabies since they were young; she had gotten them after their parents had passed away in an accident. I thought how noble of her and I hope her grandbabies are now taking care of her. She never mentioned their names or what they did for a living so I did not pry but you could tell she was very proud of them and their accomplishments. She told me of stories from her past and theirs. She filled me in on what Bon Temps has been like to live in. I wish I lived here; this house and town felt like home to me. I would miss it once I went back to Shreveport.
As we were wrapping up, Adele noticed the time and said that her grandbabies would be getting off of work soon and asked me if I wanted to stay to meet them. I told her maybe another time, even though I knew that was never going to happen but I needed to get back to my home in Shreveport. She never questioned me on why I would want to move out of Shreveport and into a small town so I did not have to lie to her. However, she was very gracious and did make sure to pack up our lunch leftovers and sent them home with me. She said her grandson would always take home her leftovers but she thought I might need them more. If she only knew my wealth outweighed hers by a mile. I was very grateful and told her so.
As I was leaving she walked me out to my overpriced car and gave me a hug and told me she would see me soon. It seemed odd at the time but like she said she had an intuition about folks and just chuckled a bit when I was hesitant to respond back. At that moment, I wished I would be seeing her again. She watched me pull out of the back yard and drive down the driveway; all the while waving good bye to me. I wished I could come back to talk to her; I knew I would miss her.
As I approached the end of the driveway I turned on my GPS, I figured it was the only way I was going to find my way back to Shreveport since I lost track of direction while I was following Adele. As I was sitting there waiting for it to turn on I looked around at the end of the driveway and noticed the mail box that I had not noticed when we drove in. I needed to know her last name so that I can put her full name into my vault of memories since I knew I would not be seeing her ever again. So I proceeded to get out of the car and walked over to the mailbox, the one side just had a number, 200, on it; but when I reached the other side I about pissed myself, the name on the box was Stackhouse. I was in Sookie’s house and that was her grandmother.
………………OH FUCK ME ……….
Well I got home quicker than I thought I would; the trip only took me 35 minutes, well at least I have that much for my story. OMG, I was freaking out! I had been in Sookie’s house and didn’t even know it. How ironic is that, all this shit has thrown me for one big ass loop, I can’t get over it, what the hell was I thinking…? Did Adele suspect anything? She said she has an intuitive side, so I wonder did she know all along what I was up to? She was sweet to me and she even called me family after a few hours of conversation and I am still reeling over that one. Hell, I felt closer to her than to my own grandmother.
I had to calm down or I was going to have a heart attack
It took me a while to calm down and when I did, I called Alcide. I had to talk to someone about this to see if I still should proceed or stop this major fucked up plan. Alcide said once he finished up at the job site he would be over; his family owned Herveaux Construction in Shreveport. He even took the time to ask me if we needed a 6-pack or 12-pack of beer and I told him more like a bottle of Jack Daniels. He was not too sure how to respond to that since he was unaware I had spent the day out in Bon Temps doing recon.
As I waited for Alcide I put all of my research together along with the two printed out pictures of Sookie. The longer I stood there by myself and alone, the easier it was for me to talk myself out of this. But I kept telling myself, no one will be the wiser, I could do this, it was harmless and no one would be hurt when I told my mom it was over. Who the hell was I kidding? I am attracted to Sookie by her damn picture.
Should I just call this farce off and pursue her?
Hell I am so fucking confused, Alcide hurry the fuck up and get here before I do something stupid….. Alcide arrived a little after 6pm and the pizza arrived 5 minutes later. Perfect timing…………. I was going nuts. Now for me to spill my guts out to my best friend and see what he has to say about it.
I talked to Alcide for about 2 hours and we went over everything and I mean everything, multiple times. I told him about my two trips to Bon Temps, my internet browsing, my attraction to her picture and her accomplishments, my visit with Adele and then the farm house.
My big question for him was what the hell do I do now?
Alcide sat quietly for a few minutes and then he said: Dude you’re fucked …… but in a good way…. You have feelings for her and that will help you pull this off…. Your mom would have seen right through the lie and called you on it….. But dude, you have it bad for her and you haven’t even met her….. I only see one hard part to this lie….Telling your mom you’re dating Sookie, then giving her side stories about Sookie will be the easy part since Adele gave your stories about Sookie’s childhood, you have her life from the Bon Temp’s paper and her yearbook….. You know what she does now for the school…. So all these stories will be easy peasey…… and all be true. Nothing made up, no lies to catch you in…. The hard part, my friend, will be putting your mother off on meeting her and you know she will beg for that, plus you have all the family gatherings coming up, so you see my friend you are SCREWED on that part…. Your mother will NEVER take NO for an answer….. Plus Alcide added as a side note that I also needed to get Quinn and Sam involved in this because you know your mom will ask all of us questions about your new girl since we are together so often during the week… there would be NO WAY and I mean NO WAY that your friends would not have met her …
He next told me he would help me set everything up and see if Maria would help since she was involved with Alcide’s own fake girlfriend story. This had to work; my options were running out and I wanted no more blind dates setup by my mother. I took a deep breath and laid down hoping to fall asleep, the Jack Daniels relaxed me enough to doze off but all I dreamt about was Sookie. God, I was screwed…