Damn my Kids, yes kids, not students, they were all mine and they meant the world to me, just like if they were my own. So on Monday night my kids starting answering the questions meant for SB, and they made me proud by answering correctly but then they all started leaving little hints to who I was. I don’t know if any of them knew I was SB, I just told them I listed to this station every night and played the stations Name That Tune Game on a nightly basis. The funny thing was I played the same game with them during class so they would get a broader range of music in their lives.
By the end of the week they made me proud to be their teacher and mentor. I knew telling them about my night life would come back to bite me in the ass one day, but when I heard the dedication at 11pm on Friday night, I knew I was going to have to talk to one said student in particular.
Tara was one of my best students and was a very fragile but fierce child when I met her four years ago. Her family life sucked and she thought she was being punished by god because of the cards she was dealt. I explained to her that she couldn’t choose her parents and what they did to her and that her insomnia wasn’t a punishment it was just an imbalance in her chemical makeup and there was nothing she could do about it unless she wanted to revert to pills on a nightly basis. She didn’t want to do that so I taught her how to live with it and the small amounts of sleep her body allowed her to get; she soon started to excel in school, I was very proud of her for what she was accomplishing now with my help and guidance.
It took some time to get up the nerve but I called in and made a dedication to Eric, one I knew if he truly felt the same way about me he wouldn’t hesitate to respond to. As expected the Vampire answered for him. It felt wonderful, but once again I had to muster up enough nerve to call back in to leave my number for him.
My insecurities were kicking into overdrive now. How could this man possibly want me after what I did to him years ago? I led him on, but after therapy I learned that he was reciprocating my feelings back to me and I am the one who pushed him away because of my Christian morals. I knew being married was my biggest hang up back then, yes I knew my marriage was a joke, but I took a vow and I was going to stick to it come hell or high water, but after therapy and moving away I learned that I could have dealt with the matter much better but at the time, I had thought, no I knew that I didn’t deserve happiness with Eric I was supposed to only find this happiness with Preston but that was never going to happen since he catted around town like a manwhore and I sat at home and lost the only happiness I could have possibly had. Why am I dredging this all up now when time is ticking down and I need to call back in, I promised him I would call.
So I grew a pair of balls and picked up my phone as I walked out my front door.
Be strong you can do this.
I figured it would be Pam I would talk to so it was going to be a little easier, I knew I could do this and I figured I could just blurt it all out and be done with it. My thoughts were all jumbled with what I needed to cover, me being SB, me being Sookie from Bon Temps, me being a music teacher, me being in love with Eric and needing to meet up with him soon, the sooner the better. I had a long list of needs but I didn’t know if he would allow me to express them so I just figured if I blurted it out to the person that answered my phone call I would be good to go.
I could talk to Pam, I knew I could. Possibly even Alcide, he had a gentle heart and I knew he would listen to me and make me feel good about myself.
I never thought Eric would make me feel insignificant but I was just so nervous to talk to him for the first time in over ten years.
Please let it be Pam when someone answered my call.
So ten minutes later I called again, but it took forever for someone to pick up. I thought for sure he didn’t feel the same way about me and I almost hung up, but finally I heard breathing on the other end. I don’t remember being said hello too but I wasn’t going to waste my time on pleasantries. I needed to say everything and then I would say my phone number and hang up.
So here is how my rattled brain must have sounded to the person on the other end because it is how I heard myself in my head.
‘Hello my name is Sookie Stackhouse, formerly Sookie Pardloe, formerly of Bon Temps Louisiana, I am calling back to give Eric my information in case he wants to call me back. I am sorry I never said my true name before , I wanted to be anonymous like you guys so I used Southern Belle as my call tag, I should have told you guys sooner I knew who you were and I apologize for waiting so long. Anyways, my kids called in all week to play the game and I wanted to kick Tara’s butt when she told you guys who I was. I wanted to be the one to say it but I didn’t know if you guys would let me back into your lives after I screwed up the last time. I am a music teacher and an insomniac so I get the best of both worlds now. I have my kids and I can listen to y’all at night. Tell Eric that I think about him a lot and I love him. I should have told him that years ago but I was pretty messed up back then and I apologize if I wreaked havoc in your lives. Any way my phone is 850-678-2970, that’s my cell. I guess he doesn’t need my home phone number too. Well I guess I need to go so you can let him know I called back. Thanks for listening Pam. I missed you and Alcide too, say hi to Alcide for me too please…..’
However, through my rattling off I heard my name a couple of times. I just thought it was my imagination but it was him.
Fuck me it was him and his smooth masculine voice, then and there my body melted into a pile of goo.
Oh shit…I was numb and dumbstruck and I couldn’t talk, not another word would come out of my mouth.
I picked up the next call and I said hello but I don’t think the person on the other end heard me because she took a deep breath and started to rattle off what sounded like her life story. I smiled listening to her; I had missed her so much, her southern drawl was very prominent in her rattling and I loved every minute of it.
I know I said her name a couple of times to get her attention, however she just kept rattling off a list. I wasn’t sure if she had a text she was going by or just trying to remember everything she wanted to say, but it was sweet none the less. It was when I heard she loved me that I needed to get her attention and quick because I figured she would hang up on me and I couldn’t have that.
I raised my voice and said ‘Sookie, it’s me’. And then everything stopped except for her breathing.
I looked up from my desk and Alcide asked me if I had her and I nodded my head YES.
Being the professionals they were Alcide and Pam quickly got through the rest of the calls and let everyone know on air that they had both Sookie and her Eric phone numbers so no one needed to call back in.
I just sat with the phone to my ear and listened to her breath.
I never knew how much I missed that until now.
Alcide and Pam continued with the show and then I heard Alcide talking to another caller, apparently it was Tara and she wanted to make sure we got the right people. Alcide assured her that they did and she should call Sookie later to verify this but right now she was probably busy talking to Eric.
I just smiled. Sookie hadn’t said a word for the past five minutes but she hadn’t hung up either. I just held the phone to my ear waiting for her, but then I figured if we were gonna go anywhere with this phone call I better speak again.
“Sook you there? Please talk to me? I hear you breathing and you are scaring me. Did you not want to talk to me or do you prefer calling me back?”
Nothing, just breathing. I think I scared the shit out of her. I couldn’t have that.
Alcide passed me a note saying to stay on the line with her; they would play continuous music so no one would know I was talking to her.
Sounded like a sound plan to me.
So as calm as I could and after I took a deep breath, I talked to her.
“I missed you too sweet girl. I missed you so much… I wish you would have told me what was going on at home ten years back; I would have helped you through anything. I didn’t understand why you pushed me away and I still don’t but we have time to find out why. I fell for you hard and I never got over you. Yes, I love you too. I wish we had those ten years together, but now we have the rest of our lives to get to know one another and be together. I want that so much Sookie, I really do. I knew when we moved here it was my final destination. I knew I was pulled here by something and now I know it was because of you. Please talk to me little one.”
Still nothing but breathing, I was afraid she fell asleep, I knew of her condition but I also knew insomniacs didn’t fall sleep like that either, she must have been scared I was the one who answered.
So I figured I would just talk to her some more until she spoke to me.
“Sookie, I am proud of you for making a life here all by yourself. But I am here now and I hope you will see fit to make me part of your life too. Back some time ago you said something about an accident; I just want to make sure you are okay from it and what had exactly happened to you, accidents can be scary some shit. I want to make sure you are okay. Please say something to me, you are scaring me now. I hear you breathing but words would be nice too. I wonder how much you have changed. I cut my hair and aged some but I figure you are as beautiful as ever. You remember our hair was the same color and almost the same length. I wonder if it is the same now. I remember your blue eyes were darker than mine and I remember your facial features so well. I think of you often and you have never been too far away from my thoughts. Please say something, even if it’s a grunt, I need to know that you are there and haven’t fainted on me lying on the ground in your own pool of drool.”
I heard a chuckled, at least that was something. So I kept talking.
“So we moved around a lot, never stayed longer than two years in any given place. The three of us are still single and live in a big old house together. I wonder how close we live to one another. I know the contractor we used said that I needed to get out and explore, he called me a Viking. Go figure, the only other person who every said that was you.”
I heard it, but I heard it faintly…. ‘Russell’….. So I kept talking.
“Yeah the contractor was Russell Edgington, do you know him?”
Damn, another chuckle, I was getting to her, soon she would speak to me I knew it in my bones.
“Yeah Russell told me he had some friends he would hook me up with but I told him I was already involved with someone and he assumed Alcide was that someone. I never denied it but my heart has belong to you and I couldn’t see myself getting involved with anyone and breaking their hearts by not being able to love them back. You have had me all this time and you will have my heart for eternity… Sookie I love you and I hope we can get together this weekend to catch up. I really want to see you. And just so you know….”
I looked up at Alcide so he knew I was speaking to him too and to verify what he had asked me months ago.
“Months ago when you asked the question about, Creed’s, ‘Don’t Stop Dancing’, I heard you say my name and I knew all along it was you… I was so happy that I went along with the games we were playing. I knew for some reason you were hiding and in due time you would come to me. I knew it through every part of body, maybe I sound a bit sappy but I knew all those years ago and as I know now we are meant to be together, to BE ONE. You have always been MINE Sookie and I have always been YOURS. Two peas from the same pod so to speak.”
I never stopped looking at Alcide and he was smiling a big ass fucking smile, sum bitch knew all along that I knew but he never questioned me. He is a great best friend. But when I turned to look at Pam she had tears streaming down her face and tissues in her hand, I knew, as Alcide knew, she wasn’t a cold hearted bitch like she portrayed, she loved deeply and you just had to melt away her layers to get to the kindhearted soul she was. She would do anything legal or illegal for the people she loved.
I almost missed it due to my musing but it was faint and as soft as butterflies’ wings in the wind, ‘Eric I missed you so much.’
“Sookie, I hear you, I need to get to you tonight, tomorrow the latest. Please tell me that it’s okay. Can I come to you or do you want to come to me. We can meet neutrally if you want. The ball is in your court. Please tell me we can meet.”
I waited patiently, however there was no response from her. So I waited, and waited and I took too many deep breaths for any one person. I never heard anything on her end, I was afraid the call was lost. I knew I had her number or so I thought, fuck I never wrote it down. Dammit….
I mouth to Alcide that I think I lost the call and I didn’t write her number down. Help me please.
He nodded and the next thing I know is he ended the song playing abruptly and asked for Tara to please call the station.
Well fuck, that is one way to get her number.
So I did the only thing I knew to do, I talked some more.
“Sookie, I dreamed about our life to together, what it would be like. Being married to you and loving you while we got old and gray together. I mused about having children with you and our grandchildren.”
I heard it, she was crying, I made her cry but why.
“Sookie, talk to me I didn’t mean to make you cry, please little one don’t cry. I’m sorry.”
“Eric, it’s not you it’s me, I am damaged goods now and I don’t know if you will feel the same way about me ever again.”
“Sookie, sweet girl, you are not damaged. How can you say that? You are the same beautiful woman I knew from before, we can talk about it later, now is not the time, okay. I need to see you. Please say yes.”
“Oh Eric, I know we have a lot to talk about and it should be in person.”
“Yes, tell me where I can meet up with you.”
“Ummm, can you open up the stations door and let me in please.”