Janice and I made record time back to LSU; she seemed really pissed at me; most of our drive was spent in silence. I didn’t know what was up her butt; I just figured she was upset about leaving a week earlier than we should have for school. I tried to explain to her that I needed the extra week to get myself settled in and to psyche myself up for the new school year, it was our junior year and I heard it was going to be our toughest… Janice told me she understood the week before we left but when the day came for us to leave she was just being a bitch about it.
I was at a loss.
When we got to LSU we lucked out and got the very first parking spot and checked in with security. They told us our room assignments; they were the same as last year. However, we were told there was only two other students in the dorm and it would probably be best if we bunked together until the rest of the students showed up.
As we went upstairs I asked Janice if we were okay. She told me we were but she just had a lot on her mind and she wished we had stayed at the house for a few more days. If I had known what a ghost town our dorm was I would have probably agreed to stay at least three or four more days. But it was too late now to turn around and go back home (wasn’t it?), we were already here and we would make the best out of it.
After we got all our boxes and suitcases upstairs we decided to bunk in Janice and Maria’s room. I brought my suitcase in there so I would have clothes to change into but left all my boxes packed and on my bed in the room I would share with Claudine. There was no rush to unpack so I just left everything as it was.
Janice was still a bit off but I figured she would want some privacy later to call home so I would go the lounge and read a book…I knew I needed to call Gran too but since she was at the Herveaux’s I figure Janice would take care of it. It was eerie quiet in the dorm, you heard every noise and groan from the building. It had me on high alert and I knew after the Quinn thing it was always good to be on alert…
Once it reached 5 pm we decided it was time to go get a bite to eat, there was nothing open on the campus yet so we would have to run into town. Mr. H had given us BOTH extra money for food for the two weeks prior to everyone showing up; he figured we wouldn’t find much at the school and would have to go into town a lot. Well he figured right and that money would come in handy but we had decided we needed to be frugal with it so we could maybe catch a movie or something since we would have so much spare time.
While in town we stopped at Walgreens and looked around, I was drawn to the Celebrity rags; I needed to see if there was an Eric sighting. I found in one of the magazines a picture of him getting on a plane flight with a blonde woman. You could only see her back but you could tell she had a great body… Oh well there wasn’t much I could do about him dating so I figured I would let it slide.
Who was I to complain or get jealous? I was nothing to him.
We bought some supplies and then went to the grocery store a few blocks away. We figured we could buy a small cooler to store some orange juice and milk in and we wouldn’t have to leave to go out for breakfast in the morning; we were going to buy pastries to eat but we figured cereal was a better buy… Like I said we were thinking frugally.
Janice said she was going to ask her dad later if it was okay if she used her emergency credit card to buy us a small refrigerator at Wal-Mart and then we could buy a few more perishable items to store in our dorm room.
When we got back to the dorm I helped Janice unpack her stuff. We were going to move onto my room but Janice asked me if it was okay if we held off till tomorrow so that she could call home. I told her of course tell everyone I said hello and that we made it safe. I know we should have called when we first got in but we were trying to make sure we made it back to the dorm before dark since there weren’t that many people in the building and we wanted to play it safe. Plus we figured the parents would understand safety first.
As I got my book from my room, I overheard Janice ask her dad if Eric and Pam made it okay. I guess that was who was in the cab when we drove up. I didn’t want to eavesdrop so I hurried to the lounge; I didn’t sit on the couch instead I sat in the window sill and looked out at the stars.
I talked to Eric, I told him I missed him dearly and I hoped he was having a good time wherever he was. I told him I would have to talk to him while I was inside since it wasn’t safe for me to walk outside at night yet since there weren’t many people on campus. Yeah I was nervous, even though I knew all of the Quinn’s were put away. I was still apprehensive about being alone.
As I sat there and looked out the window, I thought about my life and what was ahead of me. I knew I had school, I had two years left. I knew I had the Herveaux’s, Gran and Jason as my family. I knew I had Eric to talk to but I was lonely. I decided then and there that if the girls asked me again to go out on a double date or to a party I would give it a try. Eric still had my heart he always would but I needed to live my life, who knew if we would ever meet up again.
The following day I woke up early and decided to let Janice sleep so I got up and went into my dorm room to put my stuff away.
I was putting my pictures on my night stand, day dreaming about Eric and what our life could be like; it was then that I noticed something I had never noticed before in the group shot.
I fucking knew the dark haired son of a bitch in the picture (sorry Mrs. H.). I had to look at it three times but I about shit my pants; there was Alcide Herveaux, my new brother…
I was going to kill him for not saying anything.
Wait did he know I had a picture of him.
Shit was the Eric that was at the Herveaux’s house, my Eric….. No it couldn’t be.
Dad would have said something to me, wouldn’t he?
He knew after the trial I wanted to speak with Eric Northman.
Wait a second, What the FUCK.
Why didn’t Janice say something about knowing Eric? Maybe she didn’t know him but why did she ask Dad if he was there? But then again she wanted me to meet Alcide’s friend two years ago, was that my Eric?
I knew the H’s were private people about Alcide and what he did for a living, now I know why but I thought I was family why didn’t they tell me?
I would have to ask, but when?
I didn’t want to be rude, but I was furious.
I stewed for a few minutes and came to the realization that all people have secrets and theirs was a dozy and I would make sure I kept it for them…
Maybe if I was meant to meet Eric I would meet him through the H’s.
Oh my god, Oh my god I was going to pass out.
What if, I was supposed to stay at the H’s longer and Eric was coming to meet me?
What if, he knew I was there and I ruined it by leaving?
What if, I just screwed myself out of ever meeting him.
Maybe that’s why Janice was so upset, she was trying to get me to stay but I was being highhanded and stubborn and made us leave early.
I could list the “What ifs” forever but it wasn’t going to change the fact that I screwed up big time by being stubborn…
I sat for a while and thought about what I would do next and how I would confront everyone on the fact that they were hiding this from me.
Who was everyone?
Who all knew, did all of them know?
Were they whispering behind my back?
I couldn’t think of any good reasons, but they were hiding it from me for some reason, I would just have to figure out why?
But if the opportunity arose I would confront the issue. I was hoping it would be Janice first, it would be easier but there were no guarantees of when and where.
I stewed for a little while before I finally got up and finished putting my things away. Stewing and pouting would not help me answer any of my questions. I considered calling Gran but I needed to think this over some more.
Why had it never occurred to me to really look at that picture and see Alcide?
(Cause you were only looking at Eric)
Hell, why didn’t I ever notice how much Alcide from the show look like Jackson before I finally met him this summer. I was so stupid.
(Cause you were only looking at Eric)
I couldn’t blame anyone else for this, I should have noticed the likeness months ago.
(Cause you only had eyes for Eric)
Cheese and Biscuits, I spoke to Angela on the phone; I spoke with Angela on the set, I should have connected the voice. … Stupid stupid stupid.
(Cause your thoughts were only on Eric)
All the different moments of Déjà vu started to come rushing back to me. Wait, I just thought of something, WHAT IF, Eric hasn’t connected us either.
Oh shit, I had a lot more to think about.
I needed to get my head on straight, I could think about this all I wanted but I knew I needed to come up with questions to ask, but logical ones that could be answered. But I also knew it might be a while before I was given full disclosure. I was patient but I didn’t know if I was that patient.
I knew we were going to run out to Wal-Mart this morning so I needed to get out of my funk or Janice would question me on what was the matter. I knew it would be the perfect opportunity to bring it up but I was unsure of what her response would be. Maybe I could bring up the fact that I had decided to date and see what she said.
Yeah that sounded like a solid plan.
Mr. H had told Janice to buy a refrigerator for BOTH rooms. He was so sweet about it, but Janice told him if we did that then he would have to come up with a truck at the end of the school year, we would never fit everything in one of our cars. He said that we will cross that path when we get to it.
The trip to Wal-Mart went well. We talked about the house guests but nothing else was mentioned about it. I thought that was weird but Janice was still in a funky mood so I just dropped it. It was on the way back to the dorm that I mentioned my epiphany on dating; Janice just looked at me gobstopped.
She asked me if I was nuts. I told her that I was lonely and needed to get out more. I knew that school came first but if the opportunity arouse then I would go for it.
She asked me about Eric?
I told her that he didn’t know I existed and if the RAGS were any indication he never would, he was dating someone and that wasn’t me. She looked at me and I could see tears in her eyes so I just changed our line of thinking and asked her if she wanted to go to a movie in the afternoon and pick up dinner afterward.
She said it sounded like a great idea.
The following two weeks went by pretty quickly. We read, watched TV, took long walks around the campus and slowly but surely students started to show up. It was after the second week that Maria and Claudine showed up so I moved my clothes into my own dorm room. Claudine was grateful for the refrigerator I purchased because her senior year was going to be tough on her and she could keep nibbles in the fridge for herself.
It was late Saturday night that Amelia and Tara showed up. They both looked like the cat that ate the canary but they would not budge on what was up. I didn’t push it; they were already late getting into the dorm so I figured it wasn’t worth the aggravation to find out what was up. Amelia could never keep secrets so I figured I would be told in less than a week’s time.
Everyone got settled in and we were a week away from our first day back to classes. It was a Monday and most people were at work so we decided to go into town and spend the day milling around and window shopping. As per usual we went into Walgreens, as always I went to the RAG magazine but I didn’t like what I saw.
On the front page was a huge story on Eric and some woman named Cleo, saying she was pregnant but he ran off with his costar to an undisclosed location. The picture was of Pam from the show. I was devastated and started to cry, Claudine found me crying and asked me what was wrong. I just showed her the magazine and she did a quiet humph and told me to give her the paper we were out of there. The girls saw my red swollen eyes but never asked me what was wrong. Claudine said she would tell them later, right now we needed to do something to cheer me up, so we went to Wal-Mart to get ice cream. Claudine knew I needed ice cream and chocolate so she bought us Moose Tracks, killing two birds with one ice cream; but what she hadn’t expected was the RAG magazines at the checkout counter, ALL of them had Eric and Pam on the front page, but the one that was the worse was this Cleo person saying she wasn’t pregnant just a false positive, but she wanted Eric back he needed to come home.
I was heartbroken; I knew I lost him now.
The girls all rallied around me and told me that I couldn’t believe everything the RAGS said because they always lied. Tara chirped in and said she heard Pam was gay so why would Eric have run off with her? Tara and Amelia told me to chill my tits that we would come back next week to see if there was a SUPPOSED update on the situation maybe a response from Eric.
I could only hope but I wasn’t sure anymore, I was starting to doubt him and myself.
I decided then and there that I wasn’t going to ask my family about Eric and me. I would let them have their secret and I would keep it to myself that I found out. I would be devastated that I didn’t share with them but I needed to protect my heart.
It was then that I had come to the realization that Eric and I may never come together as a couple. It just wasn’t meant to be. I would have my memory, I would have my dreams and even my talks at night to him but I never felt I would have the true him in the flesh and bone…
It hurt to realize this but I needed to move on to become the person I was meant to be.
Was I just trying to fool myself?
He was the Master of my Heart.